


3's A Charm VI: As the Odium Fades

by thebasement_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-02-05
Updated: 2002-02-05
Packaged: 2018-11-20 17:45:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11340297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebasement_archivist/pseuds/thebasement_archivist
Summary: Ben continues to follow out his plan while Scully and Krycek relationship takes a new turn.





	3's A Charm VI: As the Odium Fades

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Basement](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Basement), which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Basement's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thebasement/profile).

3's A Charm VI: As the Odium Fades

## 3's A Charm VI: As the Odium Fades

#### by Ocean Summers and Sage ONeil

Title: 3's A Charm VI: As the Odium Fades  
Author: Ocean Summers and Sage ONeil  
Feedback to:   
Author's Website:   
Status: Complete  
Category: Romance  
Pairing (Primary): Mulder/Scully/Krycek  
Pairing(s) (Secondary):   
Crossover Fandom (if any):   
Crossover Info (if any):   
Other Pairing Info:   
Rating: NC-17  
Spoilers:   
Permission to Archive:   
Series or Sequel/Prequel:   
Notes: Have nothing really important to say, except for. Finally <g> Feels like forever before we got this part ready but I hope it was worth the wait. Ethan can be found on our character's site. We choose Antonio Sabato jr for his part. Thanx to The Emu and Elisabeth who as usual made wonders with their editing. Any mistakes written here are my own doing.  
Warnings: Contains m/m sex. Don't go any further if this bothers you.  
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters (Except for Ben, Ethan, Oliver, Kyle, Tisha, Paris, Daniel and Rick, they're *ours*) they belong to Chris Carter and FOX Network, you know the drill.  
Summary: Ben continues to follow out his plan while Scully and Krycek relationship takes a new turn.

* * *

As the Odium Fades  
By Ocean Summers and Sage O'Neil 

As Scully brought in the last stack of dessert bowls, she looked over at her mother, who was preparing the coffee machine. "So what do you think?" she asked. 

Maggie turned to her daughter. "He's very sweet, Dana." She smiled. "I like him." 

Scully smiled back, knowing her mother wouldn't say that if she didn't mean it. 

"How do you feel about him?" Maggie asked, standing to better face her daughter. 

This was the first time in ages, if not ever, Dana had brought any man she was dating to meet her mother. She never had been into dating that much, especially not the last few years. Her mother had to sense how serious this was. 

Dana smiled, not knowing how to tell her mother this; it was awkward, but still, it was right. "I love him." 

Maggie looked a little surprised. "Are you sure?" 

"Yes." She couldn't keep from smiling. "I really do." 

Reaching out to embrace her daughter, Maggie stroked her hair softly. "Then I'm happy," she whispered, her voice still showing different feelings. 

"You don't seem happy." Dana leaned back to look at her mother. 

Maggie's eyes had betrayed her thoughts, and Scully had an idea of what was going through her mind. 

"I was just wondering." She gestured. "About Fox." 

"What about him?" Scully tried to sound as she didn't know what her mother was getting at. 

"No, it was just ... that time Melissa and I came over to see you, when Fox was there, I got the idea -- that there was something between you." 

Scully swallowed. She didn't think it had been that obvious; they'd been so careful. 

"But I see that you're happy with Alex, so I probably got the wrong impression." Maggie forced a smile, even as there was a sudden change in Scully's eyes. 

Dana offered her mother a weak smile. "Yeah." 

"Mom, Dana." Melissa walked into the kitchen, much to Scully's relief. "Need any help out here?" 

"No, honey, that's okay." Maggie smiled at her older daughter and turned back to the coffeemaker again. 

Melissa went up to her sister with a wide grin on her face. "Alex is great. Just let me know if you find any more like him, 'cause I wouldn't mind having one of those in my bed." 

Maggie lifted her gaze to gawk at her daughter. 

"Decoratively speaking, Mom," Missy defined quickly, and nudged her sister's side."Seriously, though. I think you've hit the jackpot this time." 

"What a terrible way to put it, Melissa," Maggie objected to her daughter's choice of words. 

Melissa rolled her eyes towards her sister and sighed. "Mom, did you know that he was raised Catholic?" She looked over Dana's shoulder at her mother. 

" _I_ didn't know that." Scully gave her sister an odd eye. "What exactly have you been asking him out there?" 

"Nothing. But Bill is giving him the third degree, as we speak." 

"He's _what_?" Scully tried to get a glimpse of the living room to see what was going on. 

"Don't worry, sis, Alex seems to be doing quite well. Believe it or not, even Bill seems to like him." 

Scully gave her sister a doubtful look. 

* * *

Mulder wriggled out of his jacket with the FBI logo on the back and started removing the bulletproof vest. The job had gone fairly smoothly, though hospitalizing another agent with minor injuries, but the suspect had been brought into custody and was now being interrogated. 

He reached for his suit jacket and tie inside the locker, replacing them with the bulletproof vest and jacket. Since his shift had ended hours ago, he didn't bother putting on the jacket and tie. Tired and hungry, he left the locker room. 

Ben, who had been exchanging pleasantries with other agents outside the locker room, noted Mulder coming out. Excusing himself from the crowd, he hurried after him. 

"Hey, Mulder, wait up!" 

Mulder stopped, turning to see Ben coming toward him. 

"You're going home?" asked Ben, catching up. 

"Yeah, I'm pretty beat." Mulder made an effort to smile. 

"I couldn't interest you in coming home with me, could I?" 

Ben's offer was tempting, very tempting. 

"Would you say yes if I promised to take care of those stiff shoulders for you?" Ben continued, seeing victory ahead. 

"You promise?" 

"Scout's honor." 

"But I have to get some papers first." Mulder stole a glance at his watch 

"No problem. I have to pay a visit to the A.D. before we leave anyway. Can we meet in 20 minutes by my car?" 

"Sounds okay." 

* * *

Ben opened the door to his apartment and, the gentleman he was, let Mulder enter first. Slipping out of his coat quickly, Ben went into the kitchen to get the phone. 

"Will Chinese do?" he called out. 

"Yeah." Mulder took of his coat as well. "Do you mind if I borrow your shower?" 

"No, help yourself." 

Finding his way into the bedroom, Mulder started stripping his clothes, tossing them on the bed. Ben's bedroom was quite impersonal. At first, it had surprised him how few belongings the man had; hardly any old mementos filled the bookshelves, nor any books, for that matter. Ben had only shrugged when Mulder had commented on it, saying he wasn't to fond of hanging onto stuff that often had a sob story to tell. Mulder could relate to that just fine. 

As Mulder was about to reveal himself. 

"Wanna borrow something to wear after the shower?" 

Ben had been standing in the doorway, watching Mulder undress with a smug grin. 

About to rid himself of the final clothing, Mulder jolted back at the sound of Ben's voice. Looking at him, he saw the glimmer in his eyes, telling him Ben would have preferred him naked. 

"Would be nice." 

Ben tore himself from his place in the doorway, turning his back to Mulder to search in his closet. 

"Just put it on the bed where I can find it," Mulder said before closing the bathroom door. 

"Still a little shy, are we Agent Mulder?" Ben mumbled, looking at the closed door. 

Mulder shivered as the icy water cascaded down over his tired body. The slight arousal caused by Ben's intense gaze washed down the drain, but not as easily as he'd hoped. The yearning for another man's touch nearly drove him to the edge of insanity, and he couldn't begin to understand why every time the opportunity came, he pulled away. The reason was stupidity; it was obvious how much he needed it. The frustration kept mounting and mounting inside him, taking over his mind in a way that was new to him. 

Ben heard him coming out shortly after the food arrived. He thought he'd give Mulder about five minutes to dress before announcing. Strolling calmly down the hallway, he reached the bedroom just in time to get a glimpse of Mulder's well-shaped ass before it was covered by a pair of black boxers. Ben cleared his throat, making Mulder turn. 

"Ben." He smiled, a little surprised. "I didn't know you were there." 

Ben slipped his hands into his pockets. "Food's ready." 

"Great," Mulder replied as he towel-dried his hair. 

"You missed a spot." 

Mulder stopped what he was doing, allowing Ben to approach him. Slowly, Ben took the towel from his hands. 

"Let me help you with that." 

He brought the towel to a damp area on Mulder's back, stroking gently with the towel. 

"Thanks," Mulder managed. 

"No problem." Ben stepped back, throwing the towel onto the bed. "Food's waiting." 

* * *

After dinner, Ben took a shower and changed into something more comfortable. He had left Mulder in bed, clinking on his laptop, quite unaware of his surroundings. After a while, though, Mulder closed the laptop and put it on the nightstand to make room for Ben. Ben lay down, resting his head in the palm of his hand. 

"What did Skinner want earlier?" Mulder asked. 

"He wanted my report on his desk before the end of the day tomorrow." 

"Want some help?" 

"You?" Ben exclaimed with a chuckle. 

"What's so funny about that?" 

"Nothing, it's just that ... " He paused to give Mulder an amused look. "You see, Skinner wanted the report tomorrow, not next week." 

Mulder tried to look insulted, but couldn't keep from smiling. He turned to lie on his back, stretching a little. 

"You tired?" he heard Ben ask. 

"A little." 

Ben moved closer. "Want me to kill the light so we can go to sleep?" 

Mulder looked at him, his eyes turning serious. "You turn the lights off if you want to." His voice slightly unsure. 

Smoothly, Ben turned to his left, hitting the switch. Even though darkness had filled the room, he could see Mulder's unsure gaze clearly. Carefully, he allowed his hand to roam over the other man's waist and chest, feeling the soft material of the T-shirt against the palm of his hand. Moving closer, he encouraged a kiss, at first barely touching the slightly parted lips, then claiming more, savoring the moment. 

Mulder allowed the kiss to intensify. He really didn't want to cause Ben more pain by pulling away at the last minute, as he had already done several times before. When a soft moan worked its way to his lips, he felt Ben moving slowly on top of him, pressing him down against the mattress. He was more demanding now, kissing him with greed and a touch of reckless lust. 

The pounding in his hard erection grew as Ben's pleasure was revealed to him. It pressed against his thigh, demanding his attention. Clumsily, Mulder's hands tugged at Ben's shirt in a desperate attempt to remove it. Ben gave him some help by pulling away shortly. The shirt came off, landing on Mulder's. Pulling his head down again, Mulder felt Ben slowly, with a slight rhythm, rock his hips toward his. The movement felt wonderful against his now aching groin. A moan came across his lips as a result of Ben's movement and it mingled with the sound of their kisses. 

Meanwhile, Ben had untangled his hands from Mulder's hair, now running them down his chest, feeling him shiver. Accidentally, he brushed over a hard nipple and felt Mulder squirmed beneath him. 

Arching his chest toward Ben, he wanted more. Soon, the warmth of Ben's mouth had closed around one of his nipples and his tongue started to tease it. There was something familiar about the way he did it. 

Mulder grabbed a hold of his waist, carefully moving his hands to his front where he felt Ben's throbbing erection. 

"Harder," Ben moaned against Mulder's chest. 

"What?" 

"Harder, touch me harder," he encouraged, smiling, pleased, when Mulder took him up on the demand. 

Rubbing his hand a little harder over the bulge in Ben's pants, he was rewarded with another lick to his now unbelievably sensitive nipple. Mulder's pleasure faded as the face of his old, but obviously not forgotten, boyfriend, took place in his mind with a hurt expression. He pushed the image away and tried to concentrate on the situation at hand. 

Ben had found his way to Mulder's boxers and met him with a dangerous grin. He knew Mulder would burn up inside if he didn't get touched in the right way soon. 

Mulder bucked up, meeting Ben's hand through the thin material of his underwear. He inhaled sharply, feeling a kiss being placed right above the hem of his pants. It burned delightfully every time Ben's hot lips met his skin, and as Ben started pulling down the clothing, Mulder closed his eyes, fighting a strong regret. 

Ben was just about to slip his hand under the hem when he felt Mulder stiffen beneath him. 

"Ben, stop." His voice came out a little uneven. 

Ben didn't listen at first, hoping he would change his mind. 

"No, Ben! Please," he added. " I can't do this. Not yet." 

Ben inhaled, feeling a sudden need to cool off quickly. 

"I'm sorry." 

He met Mulder's eyes. "It's okay. Just lie close to me." 

"Sure." 

Ben moved away to lie on his side with his arm around Mulder. He was getting impatient. If this kept up, cold showers were not going to help. 

* * *

Ben woke up at the phone's insistent ringing. He mumbled, half-asleep, and reached over the empty bed, fetching the phone from the nightstand. 

"Yeah." He kept his eyes closed, hoping it was Mulder. 

"Did I wake you?" 

"No," he lied. "I was just thinking about getting up when you called." 

"Right." Ben could hear that Ethan was grinning. "You wouldn't be awake this early on a Saturday. Not the Ben I used to know." 

Ben propped himself up to sit. "Now, which Ben would that be?" He reached out to look at the alarm clock. 

There was a moment of silence on the other side. Ben didn't make any attempt to break it either. 

"It's been a while." 

"Yes, it has," Ben agreed. "What have you been up to, Ethan?" 

"Not much, really. Still work in the same dump. I hear it you've come far in the Bureau, though." 

"Is that so?" Ben picked up the phone to get out of bed and walk up to the mirror. "Now, where do you hear such bullshit?" 

Ethan chuckled. "You haven't changed a bit, have you?" 

"Wouldn't dream of it." 

Ben studied his image in the mirror and smiled at the sight. "So what did you want?" 

"Well, my birthday's closing in, but I'm sure you remember that" 

"Of course, Ethan. How could I forget," Ben coughed, actually feeling a little ashamed that he really _had_ forgotten. 

"Anyway, I was thinking of throwing a little party, get the guys together and talk about some of the old days." 

"That sounds great. I'd really like to meet the guys again." 

"Yeah, I thought you would." 

Silence again, as Ben kept thinking about Alex, but didn't know if he should ask. He didn't have to. 

"Do you still see Alex?" Ethan asked, a little cautious. 

"Well, I see him around the Bureau. Why?" 

" I haven't been able to reach him; I thought if you could invite him for me ..." 

"Actually, I'd rather not." Ben let the hint linger on his voice. 

"Is he still mad at you?" 

"Something like that." He didn't feel the need to let him know any more about it. "Maybe you should try him at his girlfriend's place; I hear he spends a lot of time there." 

"His girlfriend?" 

"Yes, little Alex's gone straight, if you could believe it." 

"No way!" 

"Yeah that was my reaction too." Ben nodded into the phone, wondering what their mutual friend would say if he found out how things really were. "I'll give you her number and you can try and reach him there." 

"Yes, that would be great." 

"It will be nice meeting him with the guys again," Ben mused. 

"So you're saying that you're still in love with him?" 

"It's not like that," Ben mumbled, looking down on the floor. "I'd just like to meet him on a more neutral ground, so to speak." 

"Well, whatever you say." 

Ben sensed that Ethan didn't believe him. "Is it okay if I bring someone with me?" 

"Sure, bring as many as you want." He could sense Ethan's grin. 

"Funny," Ben muttered. "I was thinking of taking someone special." 

* * *

Hearing Scully turn on the shower, Alex sat down on the bed and stared at the card in his hand. It had come as quite a surprise when Ethan called him and asked him to come over for his birthday. Hearing his voice, he had realized how much he'd missed him. He had always been there for him, no matter what. 

// "Alex, what's wrong?" 

Ethan had stepped out from his living room as someone entered his apartment; usually, people made themselves known when they came. He seemed surprised to see Alex there alone, looking as if the wind had been knocked right out of him. 

"Where's Ben?" he asked, but Alex didn't answer. 

Starting to cry all over again, Alex walked up to Ethan, leaned into his comforting embrace and held on tight. Ethan wrapped his arms around the younger man and spoke soothingly. "It's okay, Alex, I'm here." he said, caressing his back. "It's okay." 

They stood like that for a while, Alex holding onto Ethan without telling him what was wrong and Ethan trying to calm him as much as he could. 

"Maybe we should sit down and talk about this," Ethan suggested as Alex's grip loosened. "What did he do?" He placed his hand on Alex's back and leaned in closer on the couch. "Alex?" 

"I found him..." Alex sobbed and buried his face in his hands. "I found him in bed..." He wiped his eyes with the back of his palm. 

Ethan shook his head and closed his eyes. "I'm sorry, Alex." He pulled him closer and leaned in to kiss his temple. "I'm so sorry, I didn't know." 

"That's not all, Ethan." Alex shifted uncomfortably in his embrace. "He was with Rick. Your Rick." 

"Rick?" Ethan sounded very surprised. 

"Yes, Rick." 

Both men grew silent. Alex was well aware of the fact that most of the guys didn't really care if they fooled around within the group of friends, as long as it was solo about sex. Ethan and Rick were just meeting up when they wanted to, and they didn't have a monogamous relationship. Kyle and Tisha were an idyllic couple, but it didn't stop Ethan from having sex with both or either of them without anyone objecting. It was just the way it was. 

Ben and Alex were different. They didn't touch anyone else, due to Ben's jealousy when it came to his boyfriend; he had put up those rules for the both of them and put an end to his promiscuous life when he became involved with Alex. 

"Did you know about this?" Alex asked. 

Ethan's gaze grew sad at the question and Alex was already regretting having asked. He had trusted Ethan. 

"No, Alex. You mustn't think that. I wouldn't let him hurt you." 

Alex kept eye contact with him before bursting into tears again. "I thought that he loved me." Suddenly, he didn't care that he was sounding pathetic. 

"He does," Ethan assured him. "Ben loves you, you know that." 

"Then why did he do that?" 

It was almost painfully obvious the way Ethan fought with the answer. He usually had something soothing to say to him, something that would make the situation right or at least understandable. But not this time. 

"Alex, I don't know. I don't have the right answers for you." He ran his hand through Alex's hair. "You'll have to ask Ben." 

"I don't want to talk to him. I don't even want to see him again." He spoke with the determination of someone who has made up his mind. 

"Shouldn't you at least see him, give him a chance to explain?" 

He shook his head. "I don't want to. If he comes here, I want you to tell him that." 

Ethan sighed and shifted in his seat. "Alex, we both know he won't accept that. He won't let you go that easy." 

Alex looked up at Ethan, his expression surprisingly calm. 

"That's a decision I've already made." // 

"Scully, we don't have to go if you don't want to." Krycek leaned against the sink as she stepped out of the shower. "There will be a lot of weird people." 

"Weird?" she smiled and wrapped a towel around her body. "What do you mean, 'weird'?" 

"Well, maybe 'weird' is the wrong choice of words." 

She smiled and leaned in to kiss him. He was obviously worried about this. 

"I don't mind," she said softly. "But it feels like you do." 

"No, it's just ..." Trying hard to find the words, he played with a strand of wet hair that had fallen in her face. "Old ghosts." 

Although she understood and didn't really blame him if he didn't want to go, she felt that he needed to face his old demons and let go of the past. 

"But you said you really wanted to meet Ethan again." She caressed his hand lightly. "Just ignore Ben, he's not worth it." 

"And Mulder?" 

"You don't think he'll bring Mulder do you? He knows you'll be there, and this guy Rick he fooled around with." 

"Oh, Ben will bring Mulder; that's exactly what I expect from him." He looked a little sad. "I don't know if I'm up for that, seeing them together there." 

She looked at him, letting him know that it was entirely his decision. 

"Still, I want to meet Ethan and the others; they've been like family to me, especially Ethan." 

"Then I think we should go," she prompted, "if it means that much to you." 

Leaning down to kiss her lightly, he ran a hand through her wet hair. She flashed him a smile and took his hand. 

As he felt her hand in his, he lifted it to his lips, kissing it softly with a devilish smile. She watched him kiss her palm for a while with an amused look on her face. He stopped kissing her hand to study it, focusing on the ring on her finger. 

"Do you want me to take it off for tonight?" she asked, a little cautious. "If you don't want them to know that--" 

"That I love you?" he smiled at her. "I want..." Pulling her closer. "I want the world to know that I can't live without you and I don't ever want you to take that ring of your finger." 

"Are you sure?" 

She didn't want him to do this just so that she would be pleased. They'd only been engaged for a day now, and this would be their first time going out in public with it. She would understand if he wanted to take it slow. 

"Dana." He took her hands between his and held her gaze steady. "I hadn't asked you to marry me if I didn't really want to." 

He kissed her a last time and reached out to grab a towel. 

* * *

Ben looked at the watch again and sighed out loud. Mulder was late. 

"Why am I even surprised?" he asked himself out loud and glanced out the window. 

Standing there, ready to face his old friends, his old life, he came to think of a night so long ago, that night he'd lost the only thing that had only mattered to him. 

// Knocking louder on the door that led to Ethan's apartment, he was growing desperate when no one answered. It wasn't hard to figure out where Alex had gone; he ran to Ethan whenever he had a problem that he couldn't discuss with Ben. 

"Ethan, open the door, I know he's in there!" 

The last thing Ethan needed right now was someone making a scene outside his apartment. Ben couldn't believe he wasn't opening the door; he was supposed to be his best friend. 

"Ethan!" 

Shortly, he heard the door being unlocked. Ethan slid outside in the hallway, only to close the door behind him. Ben looked at his friend, seeing the grave look in his eyes. 

"Why the hell aren't you letting me in? I know he's in there?" Ben's eyes were raging. 

"Ben, calm down." Ethan prevented Ben from moving past him. "Let's just calm down." 

"Where's Alex?" 

Ethan's words had been totally lost on his friend, who still tried to move past him in order to get into the apartment. 

"Ben, you're only making this worse." His voice was surprisingly calm. 

"Making it worse?" He didn't know what to do with his hands, the powerless situation not suiting him. "I just need to talk to him. Now will you let me in?" 

"I don't think Alex is ready to talk to you right now." 

Ben's expression was uncharacteristically uncertain, the tears not far from breaking out and he couldn't stand still. 

"Ethan, just let me in, I need to talk to him, I need to make it all right again." He didn't hear his own voice break. "Alex!" he continued, trying to get past Ethan once more. 

Placing a steady hand on Ben's chest, Ethan shook his head, his gaze calm and stable. 

"Why the hell aren't you letting me in?" With his voice raised, he was fighting back the tears so hard it made his face twitch. "I need to talk ... I need to make it all good again, I need ..." 

"Ben," Ethan whispered as he grabbed his shoulders. "Ben, listen to me." He tried to gain some kind of eye contact. "Listen to me, Ben." 

"Let me talk to him, Ethan." The tears were falling free now. "Just one minute, I want to see him." 

"Ben, he doesn't want to talk to you," Ethan explained softly. "He doesn't want you to come in." 

"But I need to --" 

"Ben. No." 

"What do you mean 'no'?" Ben raised his voice even more, shaking off Ethan's hands and forcefully trying to move past him. "Let me in, Goddamn it!" 

Ethan grabbed Ben harder and shoved him up against the wall to calm him down. 

"Let go of me!" Ben roared, fighting hard against his grip. 

"Ben, calm down." Ethan shook him hard. "You're not improving your situation by doing this." 

Ben grew still in his arms, the enraged look in his face softening. 

"I love him," he whispered and felt a new set of tears closing in. "I didn't want to hurt him, you know that, don't you?" 

"I know, Ben." 

"Then let me talk to him," he said, almost in a whisper. 

"Ben, I think it's too late..." // 

Suddenly, the key was turned in the lock and a very innocent-looking Mulder entered the apartment. He smiled at the man already dressed in informal evening wear, looking sexy in black tight pants. 

"We're going to be late," Ben complained before Mulder had the chance to say anything. "Where have you been?" 

"I followed a lead. It took a little longer than I expected, but I'm ready to go now." 

Ben eyed him strangely. 

"Where are your clothes?" 

Mulder looked down at his suit and smiled in an attempt to have Ben go along with it. 

Ben sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Mulder, you can't go like that," he said, irritated. "You can't go to Ethan's place wearing a suit. I thought I explained it to you. They're not that kind of people." 

"I can't go back to Washington just to get a different set of clothes. Why can't I just go like this?" 

"Come on, Mulder." Ben grabbed his hand. "We'll improvise." 

Mulder let Ben drag him with him toward his bedroom. 

"What are we doing?" Suspicion rose in his voice. 

"Finding something more suitable." 

"Where?" 

Ben smiled at him and walked up to his closet, searching the piles of clothes. He found a pair of leather pants and threw them on the bed. 

"Put those on," he ordered and dug in to find a tight short-sleeved sweater. "And that." 

Mulder took a quick glance at the clothes on the bed and shook his head. 

"No way I'm wearing that." 

"Yes, you are." Ben picked up the clothes and walked over to give it to him. "Take a quick shower and get dressed, we'll figure out what to do with your ... hair." 

"But --" 

"And do hurry, honey." 

Mulder sighed and accepted the clothes, muttering under his breath. 

* * *

A note had been pinned to the door with "Come in" scrawled on it, and knowing Ethan's style, they just stepped right in, to be greeted with a loud bang of music mixed with a few male voices. 

"Alex!" A very handsome man walked toward them, grinning wide. 

"Ethan, hi." Krycek leaned in to give him a hug. 

Ethan leaned back to look at his old friend. "Where happened to my sweet little Alex?" 

"I grew up," Alex said, smiling, and noted how Ethan didn't let go of his hand. 

Observant of the cocky sound in his voice, Ethan laughed and grabbed hold of Krycek's cheeks, giving him a quick kiss. "Well, you still got your chubby cheeks and you're still my kiddo," he decided, giving the younger man another hug. 

"Thank you for embarrassing me, Ethan," Krycek said with a cough. He looked at Scully. 

Ethan's attention turned to the small red-haired woman at Krycek's side. He looked pleasantly surprised at the sight before him as he reached out to take her hand, placing a soft kiss on the top of her hand, his eyes seductive. 

"You must be ... Alex's little lady." He arched his brows and looked at Krycek. "I can see why you turned straight." 

Krycek chuckled and slid his arm around his fiance's waist. "This is Dana; Dana, Ethan." 

"Stud," he joked, blinked at Krycek, and reached out his hand to grab Scully's hand from him. "Come on, Dana, I'll introduce you to the rest of the guys." 

Krycek followed them in to the larger room, meeting Scully's bemused eyes as she looked back at him, obviously not used to this kind of treatment. He grinned, letting her know that this was pretty much what he had been expecting. 

They walked up to the men, who were gathered in a circle, small-talking. Krycek followed behind, a little insecure, eyeing the group from a distance. He recognized most of the guys standing there, and he was growing a little nervous about meeting them again. 

"Guys, can I have your attention for just a minute?" Ethan shouted to the group, who were having a wild conversation about absolutely nothing. 

"Oh, you're back already?" one of them commented. 

Krycek smiled to himself, recognizing Kyle. Next to him was Tisha, his truthful husband, and Krycek were glad to see that they still seemed to be happily married. Scanning the group, he saw Daniel leaning against another guy. Daniel's old boyfriend, Paris, was standing a couple of feet away from him, and Rick, the guy Ben had fooled around with, was eyeing Krycek, clearly uncomfortable. They never had gone along very well together, thanks to the constant competition for Ethan's attention. 

"This is Dana, the woman who managed to turn Alex straight," Ethan presented Scully and led her through the group, introducing her to each of Krycek's old friends and their new boyfriends. 

"Where is Alex?" Paris wondered, looking behind Ethan to find him standing not far from them. "There you are." The man walked up to give him a hug. "What the hell happened to that skinny kid I used to know?" 

Krycek offered him an ironic smile. "Hi, Paris, nice to see you again." 

"Come on." He put his arm around Krycek. "You've got to say hi to everybody." 

They stood and small-talked for a while, everyone happy to reunite. It felt a little strange to see the people who he had been so close to during a time in his life when friends had been all he had to hang onto. 

"Here's someone I want you to meet, Alex." Ethan brought Krycek with him to a man who was standing a little off to the side. "Alex, this is my boyfriend, Oliver. Oliver, this is Alex I've been telling you so much about." 

Krycek smiled at Ethan and then looked at Oliver. He was very handsome, definitely Ethan's type. 

"Nice to finally meet you," Oliver said with a smile, and offered Krycek his hand. 

"Nice to meet you, too." Krycek couldn't keep that grin of his face; Ethan had never been the kind to call his lovers boyfriends; this had to be quite serious and very unlike Ethan. 

"Where the hell is Ben?" Tisha suddenly asked. 

Everybody turned to Krycek for the answer. 

"Why would I know that?" He couldn't keep the feelings from mirroring in his voice. 

A silence spread among them, as the tension grew thick. 

"Hey guys! Do you call this a party? It looks like someone died in here." Someone had just stepped into the room, facing the deadly silence. 

Alex recognized that voice well enough not to turn to see who it was. 

"Ben." Ethan noticed Krycek's reaction. 

"Ethan!" Ben walked up to hug his host, smiling wickedly at his very similar outfit. "Great minds think alike," he commented. 

"Watch it." Ethan grinned. "I'm your superior." 

"Yeah, my ass you are," Ben muffled and smiled at his friend. 

They looked at each other for a while, both studying each other's appearance; not much seemed to have changed. 

"I've missed you, you idiot," Ethan said, smiling, and gave him another brotherly hug. 

"Yeah, likewise, moron." Ben grinned and lifted his hand to mess up Ethan's hair. 

"Are you gonna flirt with him all night or say hi to the rest of us?" Daniel interrupted. 

Ben took his time going through the crowd, well-aware of the fact that Krycek was standing there. He also knew that their old friends were very anxious for them to meet again and that Krycek was not. 

"You look the same, you old prick." Paris thumped Ben's back in the friendly hug they shared. "Unbelievable." 

"Yeah, you do too, still look like hell," Ben joked back, thumping back a little harder. 

"And still full of shit," Daniel commented, pulling Ben in for a hug. 

Ben grinned and leaned back to study his friend, shaking his head. 

"You disappoint me, Daniel." He studied his clothing closely. "Latex?" 

Daniel faked a blow to Ben's head, giving him enough space to move away. 

"God, it's great seeing everybody again." Ben looked around the crowd with that typical smile that was Ben. 

He could see as he eyed the group of men that they were still carrying that adoration for him; it seemed that he had made quite an impression. Well, of course he had; he and Alex had been the couple everybody talked about, the inseparable lovers. Speaking of which ... his gaze landed on the face of his old boyfriend, noting the uncomfortable look. 

"Alex," he nodded, the silence around them almost obvious. 

"Ben." Krycek tried to hide his emotions. 

Ben took a few steps up to him, eyeing him closely. "How are you?" 

"Fine, thanks." There were no mistaken of the feelings in his voice. 

Ethan felt the tension in the air and stepped in to prevent any further discussion. 

"Ben, have you met Dana?" He motioned to the woman at Krycek's side. 

"Yes, we've met before." He smiled at the little redhead by Krycek's side. "You look great, Dana." 

Scully nodded, not really knowing how to act toward him, not here. "Nice to meet you again, Ben." She let him lean in to kiss her cheek. 

When he moved back, he met Krycek's eyes, cold as ice. He smiled back at him. 

"Weren't you supposed to bring someone with you?" Ethan cut in again, looking at Ben. 

Ben nodded and stepped away from the men, finding Mulder standing at the same place he'd left him, looking a little out of place but sexy. 

Krycek gasped for air as he caught sight of him. Following the tight leather pants up Mulder's slim waist, he noted how tightly they fit him around his ass and groin, letting everybody know just what he had to offer. The shirt was just as tight-fitting as the pants, and you could see every muscle move underneath. His hair was styled with something that gave him that wet look that Krycek remembered so well from those mornings together in the shower. He could feel the arousal rush through him like running fire. 

"Close your mouth, honey," Scully whispered to him, noting his reaction, equal to her own. 

"Ethan, this is Mulder." Ben had placed his hand at the small of Mulder's back to guide him up to the group. "Mulder, Ethan." 

Ethan glanced at Ben, a little impressed before he offered Mulder his hand. 

Krycek watched from his distance how the attention rose around Ben and his new catch, wishing that the ground would open and swallow him whole. 

* * *

"You've been awfully quiet, Alex." Ethan had come to stand next to his old friend, noticing how he had been watching Ben with his new boyfriend since they got there. "How are you feeling?" 

"I'm fine." He forced a smile but avoided Ethan's eyes. "I'm just ... tired, that's all." 

Ethan studied him for a while, knowing that wasn't the real problem. Krycek's eyes were like an open book; he recognized the pain. He also knew when to question it and when to leave it be. This was not the time or the place. 

"Dana's great," he said instead, taking a sip from his drink. "I like her." 

"Yeah, she's great." He let his gaze drift over to where she was standing, talking to Kyle. 

"She seems to know this Mulder guy; I heard them talking some before." 

"They work together," he answered shortly, making Ethan understand he didn't want to talk about it. 

Looking closer at Krycek, Ethan realized just how painful this was for him. He hadn't meant to stir up the wounds and realized that him talking about it just added to that pain. 

"I really appreciate that you could make it, despite of ... you know." He tilted his head discreetly toward Ben and Mulder. "It feels good to see you again." 

Krycek looked up at him and smiled warmly. "It's really good to see you, too, Ethan." 

Ethan grinned, put his arm around Krycek's shoulder and gave him a long wet kiss on his cheek. "I love you, kiddo, you know that, don't you?" 

"Yeah, I kind of love you too, Ethan," Krycek smiled back, suddenly remembering just how much he really did. 

"Come here you little..." Ethan pulled him into a hug. 

"What's with Alex and this Ethan guy?" Mulder wanted to know, glancing over at their host and Krycek looking awfully close. 

Ben cast a glance over at the direction Mulder was looking and smiled to himself as he saw Ethan kissing the younger man on his cheek. 

"Oh, they're just fooling around." He arched a brow. "They have a special relationship, I don't try to understand it." 

"They've been lovers?" 

"No, no." Ben couldn't help but laugh. "They're just friends." 

Mulder watched Ethan cuddle Krycek's neck, saying something that made the younger man laugh out loud, and he started feeling uncomfortable. 

Later that evening, after dinner and lots of alcohol, the party participants seemed to loosen up, and a couple of guys had ended up sitting by the table discussing old memories. 

"Alex was always such a whiny ass," Tisha remembered, looking at Scully across the table. 

"I was not," Krycek objected, noticing how Scully was enjoying this. 

"Of course you were, Alex," Kyle disagreed, seeing how embarrassed this was making him. "And you always got you what you wanted." 

"C'mon, guys, I never ... whined." 

The men around the table shared a smile. 

"I didn't." He turned to Scully. "Really, Dana, I didn't." 

"Yes, you did," Kyle argued. "It was always Ben this and Ben that..." 

"Or Ethan this and Ethan that..." Tisha added. 

Scully couldn't keep from laughing. 

"That's not true," Krycek kept protesting. "Ethan, please explain to Dana that it wasn't so at all." 

Ethan looked up from his drink, giving the others a quick glance. "Alex, it's time you face it. You were a whiny pain in the ass," he chuckled. "A very cute whiny pain in the ass, though." 

"You're making this up. I don't remember this." 

Ethan looked around the room for Ben who was standing a few feet away, discussing something with his drop-dead boyfriend. 

"Hey, Ben!" 

Ben turned around and looked at him. He had stayed away from Alex most of the night, only made a few remarks to keep the others satisfied and the mood on an equal ground. 

"Ben, come over here and help us out." Ethan waved his hand, prompting for Ben to join them. 

A little resistant, he walked up to stand behind Ethan, Mulder following behind, and put his hands on Ethan's shoulders. "What seems to be the problem?" 

"Alex." Ethan pointed across the table at the younger man. "Our Alex claims to have no memory -- whatsoever -- of having been a whiner." 

Meeting Krycek's gaze over the table, he came to realize what power they held over him and why he was doing what he was doing. It was hard to stay focused when he felt his arousal grow from only a look of the other man. 

"Of course he was." He said it softly, still holding his gaze. 

"See," Ethan said proudly and turned to Scully. "And Ben should know. He lived with the guy." 

Not knowing why, Krycek didn't let go of Ben's intense stare. He could see something beneath the tough exterior, the one Ben so desperately tried to keep up, and he wondered if he should go so far to call it love. If anyone knew Ben's soft sides, it was him. 

"You see," Ethan kept going on the subject, leaning closer to Scully. "Every time Ben didn't go along with Alex's wishes or ideas, he turned to me." 

"And whined," Ben filled in with a smile. 

Krycek sighed and wished himself somewhere else. These guys knew too much about his past life. He noticed how Mulder was listening in the background, pretending that he was busy looking at pictures. 

"He knew you had a soft spot for him; that's why he so easily manipulated you," Ben said with a grin, letting his gaze pass over Krycek once more. 

"Like you're one to talk." Kyle muffled a laugh. "He had you wrapped around his little finger." 

Ethan laughed, sarcastic, and looked up at his friend with clear remembrance. 

"Well." Ben ruffled Ethan's hair. "I had my tools to use against him." His smile grew wicked. 

"Guys, really," Krycek cut in as he realized where this was heading. "Haven't you embarrassed me enough in front of my girlfriend?" 

"Embarrass you?" Ethan chuckled. "If you want me to embarrass you, I'll show her the tape of you doing the YMCA choreography. In your underwear and covered with lube." 

"You have that on tape?" Kyle burst out laughing. "Man, you got to send me a copy." 

"You guys don't want to know what I have on tape." Ethan grinned and glanced up at Ben. "Some of those things aren't even legal." 

"Hey, Ethan!" Tisha objected. "Need I remind you, we have four Feds in the building, one traitor standing right behind you." 

Ethan gave Ben his most innocent smile. "What was it you said again about tools, sweetie?" He patted Ben's hand, which was still on his shoulder. 

"Tools?" Ben had lost the thread. "Yeah, tools." He smiled as he remembered. "Boy, did I have the best kind of tool." 

"Ben, really," Krycek laughed, a little nervous. "This doesn't really interest anyone." He shook his head and looked at Scully. 

She flashed him a smile and then turned expectantly toward Ben to hear what was so horrible about this tool. 

"Sesame Street," Ben said shortly, the amusement on his face too great to hide. 

Ethan started to chuckle, remembering what Ben was getting at. 

"Sesame Street?" Scully arched a brow. 

"Yes, Sesame Street." Ben nodded, trying hard to hide that grin. "Alex was ... obsessed with Sesame Street." 

"I was 16 years old," he tried to defend himself. 

"And then 17, 18, 19, 20 --" 

"It didn't last for that long, Ben, and you know it." 

"Oh, but it did," he grinned and crouched down to get level with Ethan. "You remember this, don't you, darling?" 

"Very much so." Ethan nodded and once again turned to Scully. "He had T-shirts with Sesame Street, mugs with Sesame Street, soaps, posters, you name it." 

"He even made me buy him toothbrushes with characters from Sesame Street," Ben remembered dreamily. 

"He wanted to be Ernie," Ethan joked. 

"Anyway," Ben continued. "That was always a useful threat. I just held over on his collection and he freaked." 

"I can't believe you did that." Krycek rested his face in his palms. "Bringing that up again." 

"I still have nightmares about Sesame Street, Alex, you're very much responsible for that." Ben sent laughter through the group of men sitting by the table, and even Scully found herself smiling widely at his comment. 

* * *

"You seem to be getting along well with Ben." Ethan had taken the opportunity to talk when Krycek and he were left alone. 

"Yeah, well, just because I'm not at his throat doesn't mean I've forgiven him," Krycek answered bitterly. 

Ethan rose with a loud sigh and walked around the table to sit next to Krycek. He leaned in closer, keeping his voice low. "Alex, you need to let that go now." He placed his hand over Krycek's on the table. "We all make mistakes and that was a long time ago." 

Krycek shifted in his seat. 

"It breaks my heart to see you two acting this way with each other. Like you don't care." Ethan drew a hand through his hair, wondering if he was getting through at all. "Just because Ben slept with Rick, you can't erase what you two shared once." 

"It's not just about that," Krycek tried, not wanting to tell Ethan what was going on. "People change. I ... I can't remember why Ben and I ... I mean, I wouldn't today. I've changed too much." 

The older man let his head drop forward, scratching his neck a little, distracted, before lifting his gaze with a half-cracked smile as he met Krycek's eyes. "C'mon, Alex," he whispered "I've seen how you've been watching him all evening." 

Sighing, Krycek realized that Ethan must have taken it that way. 

"It's not what you think, Ethan," was all he could think of to say. 

Ethan placed his arm around Krycek's shoulders and gave him a little squeeze. "It's okay for you to admit that you're still in love with him, Alex. You just have to stop fighting it so hard." 

"I'm not in love with him, Ethan," Krycek sighed. "I'm really not." 

"Alex --" 

"No, Ethan, I'm not." He shook his head. "You might not believe me, but I am not in love with him." 

"You're absolutely right, I don't believe you." 

Krycek met his gaze, feeling how Ethan was closing in even more. 

"I know you, Alex. I know you well enough to see that you are not feeling well, that you miss him." 

/Not Ben. Mulder. I miss Mulder. / 

"Look, Ethan." He couldn't look at him while talking. "I really appreciate your concern, but right now I would prefer if you didn't. I'm not in love with him." 

"God, I'd forgotten how stubborn you are." Ethan rubbed his forehead against Krycek's. "I'll make you see it. I will, kiddo." 

Knowing just how persistent Ethan could be when he had his heart set on something, Krycek feared that this could really get out of hand if he didn't do something about it. Spotting Scully talking to Tisha a couple of feet behind them, he called for her to come over and join them. 

Ethan moved away from Krycek so that his lady could take a seat in his lap, giving Krycek a worried look. 

"Dana and I are getting married," Krycek said calmly. "We're engaged." 

Scully gave him an odd eye, wondering why he was bringing it up like this and why Ethan looked as if he were waiting for a bad joke to be finished. 

"Married?" he managed to say. 

"Yes, married." Krycek took Scully's hand and let Ethan look at her ring. "See." 

"Oh, Lord." Ethan tried to focus on the ring. 

"You see, I'm not in love with Ben," Krycek explained once more. "I'm very much in love with Dana and I want to spend the rest of my life with her." 

Ethan kept staring at his friend with a sad look. 

Scully didn't want to butt in but just sat quietly, letting Krycek deal with this part by himself. He knew he had her support in all this; she didn't need to back him up. 

Something changed in Ethan's eyes. "My Alex is getting married ..." he grinned. "For real?" 

Krycek nodded and smiled. 

"And that makes you happy?" Ethan required. 

"Yes, very." 

Ethan nodded slowly. "Then I couldn't be happier for you." He reached out to squeeze Krycek's hand, feeling a little overwhelmed. He had thought that this relationship with a woman was only temporary or Krycek trying to piss Ben off. 

"Are you okay, Ethan?" Krycek joked as he saw the puzzled expression on Ethan's face. 

"Yeah," he nodded, still looking confused. "Yeah, I'm okay. Just a little surprised, that's all." He tried to collect his feelings. "Congratulations, guys." 

"Thanks, Ethan." Krycek smiled. "It means a lot that you're happy for me." 

"Of course I am, kiddo." Ethan leaned in and kissed his cheek. "Whatever makes you happy." 

"Good." Krycek nodded and glanced at Scully. "Because I wanted to ask you if you would be my best man." 

Ethan broke out grinning. 

"I'd be honored." He felt the tears close at hand, and turned quickly around to wipe his eyes. "Hey guys, come over here, Alex has an announcement to make!" he shouted out to the group. 

The couple behind him looked worriedly at each other. They hadn't planned on letting the cat out of the bag yet, and even if he'd been acting like a jerk, Mulder deserved to find out in private. 

"Guys, listen to this," Ethan carried on as the crowd had gathered around him, watching him with expectations. "Alex and Dana are getting married." He motioned to the couple sitting behind him. 

The others, for some reason, didn't seem half as enthusiastic about it as Ethan was. 

"Yeah, right," Kyle said with a grin, and wrapped his arms around Tisha. "That's a good one, Ethan." 

"I'm not joking," Ethan said and moved to stand behind the couple. "You're just looking at soon to be Mr. and Mrs. Alex Krycek." He placed his hand on Krycek's shoulder. "Isn't that sweet?" 

Mulder tried to act unaffected. He stood behind the others, listening to Ethan announcing his "good news" and hoped that no one had seen the look on his face. 

Ben was less obvious as he stared down Krycek with his dark eyes. What the hell did he think he was doing? 

* * *

A couple of minutes later, Mulder went out to the balcony. Krycek decided to join him and maybe get a chance to explain himself. He knew Mulder wasn't going to make it easy for him, but regardless of what he said or would try to make him believe, Krycek had seen his reaction when Ethan made their announcement. 

He had expected it, apparently. "What do you want, Alex?" Mulder hadn't even turned around to see who it was. 

"I just thought we could talk." 

Mulder sighed deeply. 

"I'm sorry you had to find out like that," Krycek started, glad that Mulder wasn't at least running away. "We never meant to hurt you." 

"Hurt me?" Mulder turned around to face the younger man, his expression changingfrom amused to angry. "Yeah, it hurts me to see Scully walking into this after all your lies." 

/ How the hell could you get engaged without me? / Screamed inside of him. 

"Because she must know she's marrying a liar," he carried on. "I mean, she's here, isn't she, she knows the truth about how you met Ben." 

"I'm sorry I lied to you, Mulder, I didn't want to, I ..." Alex swallowed, wondering if they were getting anywhere. "It doesn't even matter anymore, does it?" 

Mulder studied him for a while and asked himself why he was still standing out there with him. This was dangerous. He was still lusting after him, he still wanted to touch him every time he saw him and it took all the strength he had in him not to take those few steps forward and feel that familiar set of lips against his. What he would give to feel his body come to life under his touch, those deep green eyes watching him with the same need that he gave back. He didn't want to feel that way, he didn't want to want him -- but he did. 

"No, it doesn't," Mulder answered despite his feelings. "It doesn't matter at all." 

"Mulder, I love you," Krycek whispered, barely finding the courage to look into his eyes. "I know you don't believe me, but I do." 

Mulder let out a short laugh, more from the lack of credibility than anything else. "If you had loved me as much as you say," he stepped a little bit closer, his teeth clenched, "you wouldn't have lied to me." 

/And you wouldn't have asked her to marry you all by yourself. / 

He moved past him and swung the balcony door wide open to get out of there, almost bumping into Ethan on his way out. Ethan eyed him strangely, noting the pain in his eyes and then saw Krycek out on the balcony, looking as if the wind had been knocked out of him. 

"Is everything okay?" Ethan asked Mulder, failing once more to see the whole picture. 

"Yeah, everything's fine," Mulder answered, his tone of voice telling Ethan that it was far from it. 

Ethan watched him walk over to Ben, saw them standing there talking rather intensely for a while, and then Mulder left. Ben didn't look too happy. 

"Ben, what's going on?" Ethan stepped into Ben's path as he was heading for the balcony. 

"Nothing." Ben sounded a little irritated. "Alex is trying to ruin things for me, that's all." 

Ethan looked from Ben to Alex, who was still standing out on the balcony. 

"What do you mean? With this Mulder character?" 

"Yeah." Ben sighed and looked down at the floor. "Look, Ethan, I'm just going to talk to him, ask him to stop doing this." 

Ethan shook his head. "I don't believe that Alex wants to ruin it for you. He's getting married, why would he want that?" 

Ben couldn't meet his eyes. 

"I think that's what's bothering you. That he is getting married." 

"That's ridiculous. To think that I care about that," Ben snorted and looked at Krycek over Ethan's shoulder. 

Even if it hadn't come as the best kind of surprise to him that Krycek was indeed getting married, it didn't bother Ben as much as people might have thought. He knew Krycek well enough to know that it wouldn't work out. A woman was no threat to him at all; he didn't even take their relationship seriously, even if they were engaged. What bothered him was that despite all the things he'd put them through, Krycek was still trying to get Mulder back and if anyone was a threat to them, Mulder was. 

"So, you want to tell me that you have absolutely no feelings at all for him anymore?" Ethan confronted. 

Before he had a chance to answer, Krycek came out from the balcony, meeting Ben's eyes as he looked up at the two men. He decided to ignore him and was about to walk on by when Ben grabbed his arm. 

"Alex, we're going to have a little talk," he said, disregarding Ethan's disapproval. 

Krycek wriggled out of his grip and eyed him with disgust. "I have nothing to say to you." 

Ben stepped closer. 

"Ben," Ethan warned and stepped in between. "Don't." 

"Ethan, get out of the way." Ben was growing irritated. "This is between Alex and me." 

"Ben, let it go." Ethan didn't move. "You know you have to let him go." 

Looking up at his friend, he felt an emotional storm wash over him, realizing that it was too dangerous to stay there. He couldn't fool Ethan, no matter how much he tried to. 

With a last glance at Krycek, Ben turned around and walked out of there. 

* * *

"Scully, " said Mulder when he saw her entering the office. "I'm glad you could come so fast." 

She took her time placing her briefcase on top of his desk. He had called her just as she was about to meet Alex for lunch. Hungry and irritated, she had had to cancel, and she hoped for Mulder's sake that this was important. 

"What was so important that it couldn't wait?" 

She watched him pick up the thick file next to her briefcase. 

/I don't believe this. / 

Unwillingly, she took the file and started flipping through the pages, not really stopping to look at its content. 

"Mulder, don't you think this could have waited until after lunch?" 

"No, the sooner, the better." 

"I don't think an hour would have made much difference." 

"Well, since we're going to be on a six o'clock flight for Oregon, it does." 

"Six o'clock? In the evening?" 

He nodded. 

"You're joking." Waiting for the slightest sign of a confirmation. "You're not?" 

/This is just great. / 

She sighed out loud. "Don't you think you could have at least told me about this sooner?" 

"There's plenty of time for you to pack and get acquainted with the case." 

Meeting his eyes, she saw how much he actually believed that himself. "Oregon, huh?" 

"Yeah." 

* * *

She opened the case file for the second time on the plane to Oregon, this time putting in some more effort in reading it. 

"David Koan," she said out loud, turning to Mulder. "I saw him on the news last week." 

Mulder removed his headphones. "What?" 

"I said, I saw this man on the news last week." 

"I'm not surprised. He escaped from the Bellview sanitarium up in Oregon where he's spent the last eight years. One of the attending male nurses went missing only a day after Koan's escape." 

"Could he have been an accomplice in Koan's escape?" Scully suggested. 

"I don't think so, " Mulder mused. "The nurse, Jason Wolker, only moved to Oregon from Quebec two days before Koan's disappearance. He had no contact whatsoever with Koan. He didn't even work on the same floor." 

Scully had only been half-listening to her partner, finding something interesting in the file. "Mulder, this man was never convicted for anything." 

"I know." 

"Why has he spent the last eight years of his life locked up?" 

"One day Koan walked into the local police station and claimed to have abducted five people. He told the police in detail the description of the missing victims so accurate that he could describe one of the women down to the tiniest scar on the inside of her thigh, something only her husband had knowledge of." 

"Did they rule out the possibilities that they were having an affair?" She arched an eyebrow, wondering if Mulder wasn't going around it a little too much. 

"With thirty women?" He smiled and eyed her dangerously. "However, no bodies where found, not even a single piece of evidence that could pin Koan to the crime. During several interrogations, the interrogating officers saw what they would describe as clear signs of schizophrenia, which later was proven to be the case. That also had its effects on his credibility." 

"But you believe him?" Scully prompted. 

"Well, let's just say he's a strong suspect." 

* * *

Scully placed the overnight bag on the bed and surveyed the motel room. She had to admit she hadn't been ecstatic about this last-minute trip to Oregon, especially when there weren't any strong facts or hard evidence to back up her partner's theory or even make "his" suspect a suspect. 

Glancing at her watch, Scully wondered what kept Mulder for so long. He had stayed behind at the local police station to talk to the sheriff, and had asked her to get two motel rooms nearby. 

"I might as well give Alex a call," she told herself and started searching her bed for her cellphone. 

Not able to find it, she took a moment to try to recall where she could have placed it, only to remember that she had left it next to the note she had written to Alex in which she had promised to call later on. 

Drat. 

A knock on the door brought her back to focus. 

"C'mon in!" 

As the door opened she saw Mulder step inside. "I see you got the rooms," he said with an appreciative smile. 

Scully nodded. "How did it go with the sheriff?" 

"Fairly smooth." Mulder grimaced. 

"That good, huh?" 

"Let's just say that the two of you share the same theory on this case." He leaned against the wall. "Plus, he's interrupted the deliveries of those information packs I requested yesterday, making it impossible for us to start an investigation until the day after tomorrow." 

"What the hell are we supposed to do until Wednesday?" 

"Well, I saw this restaurant on my way back here. And I don't know about you, but I'm starving." 

She sighed and glared at him, asking herself once more why she had agreed to come with him. 

It was a cozy restaurant, what you could call a typical small-town joint, with homey decorations and nice relaxing love songs filling the room. 

They discussed the case throughout dinner, and by the time dessert was served together with a bottle of wine, Scully had forgiven him -- mostly for all the inconvenience this case had taken them through. 

"So the killer leaves a wax candle by every victim he takes, usually a couple of feet away from the actual spot of the crime," Scully mused and took a sip of her wine. "Do you have any thoughts about that?" 

"I'd go with the profile." Mulder leaned in closer, pouring some more wine into her glass. "He thinks he's taking these people because he has to, but still knows that it isn't right. So he lights a candle for the life he's about to take." 

"A killer with a conscience?" Arching a brow in disbelief. "Either way, that isn't much help to the investigation." 

They drank the bottle and ordered a new one, for the first time in months feeling absolutely relaxed around each other. After having argued over all the possible ideas on the case, their conversation took a more friendly turn and they slipped further and further away from work. 

* * *

They stumbled inside still lost in a fierce kiss, tearing at each other's coats. Mulder swiftly closed the door with his foot, following her as she walked backward further into the room. 

Her coat came off along with her suit jacket and he let his hands travel up her chest, cupping her breast. As he gently teased her nipples through the cotton material of her blouse, he could hear a moan escape her. Rubbing herself against him, she tried to still the aching desire that burned between her legs. 

When they suddenly hit the wall in their passionate embrace, she could feel her blouse suddenly ripped apart. The cold air hardened her nipples even more, and soon, Mulder's mouth replaced his hands. With her fingers raking through his hair, he pressed against her tight, his arousal evident. 

Abandoning her nipple, he moved up to claim her swollen lips again, running his tongue along her lower lip. 

Her hands coursed their way down to the hard bulge in his pants and with her fingers lingering on the zipper, he whimpered quietly, moving his hips in slow rhythm. Undoing the zipper as slowly as she possibly could, she felt him stop moving. As he leaned back she saw his face mirroring her own, swollen lips, flushed cheeks and expecting eyes. 

He had to brace himself against the wall to avoid falling into a heap on the floor. 

Just as her fingers were about to slip under the hem of his boxers, the sharp sound of a cell phone cut through the silence. Mulder's head fell forward in disappointment, as did hers. 

Pulling away, Mulder staggered over to where the coats had been thrown. She saw his hands tremble when he grabbed his coat and pulled out the cell phone. Answering, he zipped up and she followed his example, straightening her clothes. 

"Scully?" She heard him say and looked up from underneath a string of hair. "It's for you, it's Al ... It's Krycek." 

Clearing her throat, she briskly walked over to take the phone. 

"Alex?" she said, seeing how Mulder's face had lost that softness it had had only minutes ago. 

She found it hard to concentrate on what Krycek was saying on the other end. Especially when her partner slipped into his coat as if to leave. 

Excusing herself to Krycek. "Mulder?" 

He turned. "You can return the phone in the morning Scully." Ignoring the obvious question. "Your fianc is waiting." He nodded at the phone in her hand, then left her standing there. 

* * *

She hadn't told Krycek. What could she tell him? Nothing had happened, because nothing had changed. Maybe some extra tension had been added, but that was all. Mulder didn't say a word to her about it the next morning when she returned the phone, painfully noticing that he was not able to look her in the eyes. 

He did his best to concentrate on the case and spend less time alone with her. It upset her to see how their relationship, both professional and private, had changed. She wished that he at least could be honest about the way he felt. If he could look her straight in the eyes and say that everything that had happened between them had been a mistake and that he no longer felt the same way for her, she would accept it. As long as he couldn't, she refused to believe it. 

They flew back a couple of days later with enough evidence to keep the case open for further investigation. 

* * *

Ben wasn't at all pleased at being dragged out of bed in the middle of the night for a meeting. The fact that it was raining didn't help to improve his mood any further, and he glanced at his watch impatiently for the tenth time, realizing he'd been waiting in his car outside the abandoned warehouse for over half an hour. Except for the pack of Marlboros that he'd nearly gone through, the only company he had was the irritating noise from the vent system. 

Just when he was about to give up on his informer, the door to the passenger seat opened. The man entering the car didn't bother to shake the raindrops of his coat before stepping inside. 

"You're late," Ben pointed out and lit another cigarette. 

"Those are bad for your health," the Hispanic man said with a slight grin. 

"Since when did you start to care?" 

"You're right, Ben," Cardinal agreed and pulled a brown envelope from his inner pocket. 

Ben took the envelope and browsed though its contents. 

"It contains everything you need. They want it done smoothly, make sure no one suspects anything." 

Ben nodded. 

"See you at the office tomorrow." He opened the car to step out. 

* * *

Mulder was going through the many shelves of books at the Bureau's library labeled "History of Crimes." He had been at it for over twenty minutes without any luck finding the book he wanted that contained old crime methods. He remembered having thumbed through it at one point, but hadn't read it, and he suspected that there was something in there that would help him in his current investigation. He had even made the librarian go through the old archives two stores below. Since she hadn't returned, he figured she was still down there looking. As he was about to give up, a conversation between two agents on the other side of the shelf caught his attention. 

"Did you hear that Agent Julien is getting another bump up the ladder?" one of the agents spoke, unaware that someone was listening. 

"You're kidding," the other agent replied. 

"No, it's true. I wonder what he had to do this time. It's amazing how he pulls it off with a clear conscience." 

"What do you mean?" 

"Listen, the guy misplaced an important piece of evidence ... take the Rivera case, for an example. I worked at the New York field office then --" 

"I heard about that case, the event of the year," the other agent interjected. 

"Something like that. Anyway, Julien misplaced an important piece of evidence; I think it was a part of a protocol pinning Rivera to at least two of the murders. Julien was brought up in front of a board, who found no substantial evidence that could hold him personally responsible for the sudden change in the case and the release of Rivera. Rumor has it that Julien knows people in high -- and maybe low -- places." 

"Who knows, maybe it pays off." 

"Yeah, who knows?" 

Mulder leaned against the shelf, trying to sort out his thoughts. Even if he wasn't much for rumors, he couldn't help to think that maybe there could be some veracity to the story. Maybe he should ... his thought was interrupted by the voice of the librarian. 

"Agent Mulder." 

Mulder turned to her. 

"The book, Agent Mulder, I found it." 

"Oh, great, thanks." 

He accepted the book more or less absent-mindedly. For a few seconds, he remained standing, trying to figure out what to believe, and when he left the library, he knew he needed to read the Rivera file himself. 

Before going home that day, he called in a favor to get hold of the file. It took him most of the night to go through it. The file confirmed everything the two agents had been discussing, except for the part of Ben being on a payroll other than the Bureau's. Not that he'd expected it to be in there. 

The file didn't provide enough strong evidence for Mulder to not give Ben the benefit of a doubt. Everyone was entitled to make a mistake, so before he jumped to any hasty conclusions, he needed more proof that could confirm the two agents' accusations. 

* * *

Stepping out of the shower, Krycek grabbed a towel from the rack on the wall and wrapped it around his waist. Warm steams covered the bathroom mirror above the sink, and with a swift motion, he wiped it clean with his hand, seeing his nervous reflection. 

There was less than an hour before Ethan and Oliver showed up. He hadn't seen his friend since the party, but had exchanged pleasantries over the phone a few times. Even if Ethan hadn't said anything about his behavior with Mulder at his party, Krycek knew the question was bound to come sooner or later, and tonight was too great an opportunity for Ethan to let it pass. 

Since they were running a little late, Krycek and Scully took turns getting dressed so one of them could keep an eye on dinner, which was still cooking. When the doorbell rang, Krycek had just managed to squeeze himself into a pair of tight-fitting jeans and a black body-shaped shirt. 

As he passed Scully on his way out to open the door, he asked, "Is everything all right in the kitchen?" 

"Five more minutes," she answered, distracted, while trying to wipe some flour from her sweater. "Great," she mumbled not getting it off. "Now I have to change again." 

"What was that, sweetie?" he called from the hallway. 

"Nothing!" she exclaimed, hurrying into the bedroom to change. 

In the meantime, Krycek was about to open the door when the bell rang again. 

"Patience is a virtue, Ethan," he said to himself, swinging the door open. 

"Alex!" Ethan exclaimed joyful pulling his old friend into a warm, friendly embrace. 

"I'm glad you could make it." Krycek held him tight. 

"How could I not?" 

"You look great, Ethan," Krycek pointed out, brushing his hand over his friend's arm. 

"I know," Ethan grinned, receiving an appreciative gaze from his lover. 

Turning to Oliver, Krycek accepted the outstretched hand. "Nice to see you again, Oliver." 

Meeting Oliver's sexy gaze, he had no problem understanding what it was that had gotten Ethan interested. His eyes had that special bedroom look, much like Ben's. 

"Come on, let me show you the rest of the apartment." 

On their way through the combined kitchen and living area, they ran into Scully. 

"Hey, beautiful," Ethan said, giving her what could easily have been misinterpreted as a little too friendly embrace. "For the hostess," he said with a smile as he held out an expensive bottle of wine. 

"Oh, you shouldn't have," Scully protested. 

"Nonsense, consider it a delayed engagement present." 

Through dinner, it occurred to Scully that she had probably never met anyone quite like Ethan before. The fact that she was a woman seemed to bother him, even if he left it unsaid. After what she had learned at the party, the fact that Krycek was straight had shocked them a lot, so she didn't blame Ethan for "quietly" commenting about her being a woman. Born with a curious mind, she took every opportunity she could to ask about "the old Krycek" and Ethan was very helpful, providing her with information even though Krycek was squirming in his seat. 

"For Christ's sake, Alex, you need to change hairdressers!" Ethan proclaimed after minutes of studying his hair. 

"Why?" Krycek wanted to know, carefully touching his recently cut hair. 

"Because there is nothing left. Nothing for me to ruffle." 

"Think about that for a while." Krycek grinned. 

"I think it's sexy," Oliver said, looking over at his lover with a touch of danger in his eyes. 

"Don't get any ideas, Oliver, I'm not cutting my hair more than necessary." 

The memory of the time when Ethan had allowed Ben to cut his hair, for some weird reason Alex never quite figured out, brought a smile to his lips. The poor guy hadn't left the house for a month. 

When Scully insisted on doing the dishes, Oliver and Ethan offered to help, and Krycek went out to get some fresh air on the balcony. While lighting a cigarette, his thoughts wandered to Mulder. He couldn't help but wonder whether he was at Ben's or at home. Even if the thought of Mulder at Ben's place hurt, it hurt him even more knowing he was alone in that depressing apartment of his. That place wasn't good for anyone's mental health. 

"What are you doing out here?" Ethan's friendly voice startled him at first. 

"I needed some fresh air." 

Ethan walked up to stand next to him. 

"You came out here to get some fresh air, and you're smoking," he said. "Gee, that is so you, Alex." 

Krycek looked at the cigarette in his hand. 

"I forgot about that," he said making Ethan smile. 

"Forget that part where I told you that something had changed." 

Krycek laughed shortly. Taking a final blow on the cigarette, put it out in the ash trey and turned to stand with his back against it. 

Ethan tried, carefully. "Have you talked to Ben lately?" 

"No." His answer was short and it was obvious that he didn't want to talk about it. 

"Alex, how serious are you and Dana?" 

He knew where Ethan was heading. "We're engaged." 

"That wasn't really the question." 

Krycek sighed. "I love her." 

"I don't doubt that you do and it's not my place to give any moral lectures, but I lived with you for a long time, and I, of all people, should know that you cannot stay 'straight' forever. No matter how much you love her." 

Ethan paused, and Krycek's expression gave away the effect his words had on him. "I saw how you came on to that Mulder or whatever his name is, and if you did it to piss Ben off, you succeeded. He is still in love with you." 

"Don't go there," Alex mumbled. "There's a lot you don't know. Things I should have told you earlier that might explain why I did what I did." 

Raising his gaze he met Ethan's friendly eyes and told him every single detail, starting from the very beginning. He had to say that Ethan took it rather well, and it felt great telling someone about it other then Scully. Even though they where both in the same boat, so to speak, he had never once heard her say -- if he hadn't brought it up first -- that she missed him too. So he had started to follow her example and dealt with it the silent way that had slowly started to eat him up from the inside. 

Ethan crossed his arms over his chest and took his time to reply to what Alex had told him. 

"I'm speechless, Alex; this is ... uhm ..." he said, trying to find the right words. 

"Unusual, maybe," Krycek filled in, letting a faint smile curve his lips. 

"This certainly puts Dana in a whole new perspective." Ethan chuckled. "I had a feeling she had more to offer behind that innocent smile of hers." 

"Just do me a favor, don't tell her that I told you." 

"Sure, if you don't want me to." 

Krycek nodded relieved, lighting another cigarette. "Enough with my problems, tell me all about Oliver." 

* * *

Ben was reading through his files, finishing a bottle of vodka as he was trying to get it all together. Things weren't working according to plan --at least not his. 

The doorbell rang and he looked up from the piles of papers in his hands. He emptied his glass, then hid the papers and rose to open the door. 

"Ethan." He closed his eyes and tried to feel less drunk. 

"Can I come in?" 

"Yeah, sure. Come on in." He stepped aside to let him enter. 

Ethan looked at his friend, realizing he was not sober; the breath alone was a given sign. He looked like hell, unshaven and tired. 

"Hey, what's this?" Ben complained and closed the door with his back. "I don't get a hug?" 

With a smile, Ethan went up and wrapped his arms around his friend. Ben nuzzled his neck and held on tight as if he was afraid he'd go again. 

"Are you okay, Ben?" 

"Yeah." He nodded and buried his face in the curve of his neck. "I'm fine." 

Ethan kissed his cheek and pulled away. 

"Ben, we need to talk." 

Sighing, Ben winced and gave Ethan a look of disagreement. "Talk." He shook his head. "That is so overrated." 

"Come on." Ethan put his arm around him. "Let's sit down." 

Having made sure Ben was sitting up straight in the couch, Ethan spotted the bottle of vodka. This wasn't exactly the best condition to be talking to Ben, but he had to confront him sooner or later. He picked up the bottle and pulled on the cork. 

"Pour me a glass, Ethan," Ben nodded at the bottle. "You know what, take the glass, I can drink from the bottle." 

"Ben." He pulled away the bottle as Ben reached for it. "I think you've had enough." Patting Ben's lap, Ethan got up. "I'm making you some coffee." 

"No," Ben objected, grabbing a hold of Ethan's arm. "Screw the coffee, just sit down ... sit down." 

Obeying, Ethan placed the bottle as far away from Ben as he could, realizing that he'd lost interest in it. 

"Ethan, you're good." Ben patted his thigh. "You're good." 

Ethan smiled and raised his hand to caress Ben's hair. Even if he had acted like a pig toward Krycek lately, he was still Ben. 

"What's going on, Ben?" he asked softly, cupping his face with one hand. "Why all this?" 

"Why do you think?" Ben looked as if someone had placed a blow in his gut. "Why don't you just take a wild guess." 

It wasn't exactly a hard quiz 

"Ben," Ethan sighed and looked at him with pleading eyes. "Don't do this to yourself." 

Removing Ethan's hand from his face, Ben moved his own hand to his forehead, rubbing frustrated. 

"You'll only end up hurt, Ben," Ethan tried, his voice calm and friendly. 

"Hurt?" Ben looked up at him. "What the hell do you think I'm feeling right now? Huh? Don't you think that it hurts?" He raised his voice without being aware of it. "This hurts!" 

"Ben --" 

"No, Ethan. No! I'm not letting it go. I'm not giving up on him!" 

Ethan nodded at his friend. There was no use in arguing about it, not when he was like this. 

"Ben, I've talked to Alex," he said. "I know that he and Mulder were seeing each other before you came along." 

Ben looked down in his lap, drew a hand through his hair and sighed. "Yeah, well, shit happens." 

"No, Ben." Ethan dropped his friendly act, seeing how it made Ben squirm. "I don't think that shit just happened. I think it had a little help. As a matter a fact, I think it had more help than it should have had." 

"Oh, c'mon, Ethan," Ben objected, loudly. "You don't even know what happened. Aside from what Alex might have told you, you don't have any idea, do you?" 

"Jesus, Ben, could you give me some credit?" Ethan was getting really upset. "Don't you think I know you well enough to see what you're up to?" 

Finding himself pushed up against the wall, Ben found no way of defending himself against Ethan's accusations. After all, he was right. Instead of objecting to him, Ben reached for the bottle of vodka. 

"Ben, come on," Ethan tried to take it from him but was pushed away by Ben's strong arm. "Ben ..." 

Ignoring Ethan's request, Ben removed the cork and took a swig, swallowing hard. 

"I can't believe you're doing this, Ethan," He shook his head and looked down the bottle. "I thought you would understand." 

Ethan watched him take another mouthful without even trying to stop him. 

"I don't understand why, that's all," he said, studying his hands. "Where do you want to go with this?" 

"I know what I'm doing." He took another sip. 

"I don't think you do." Ethan shook his head. "What makes you think that Alex wants you back after stealing Mulder from him? It only adds to his hatred toward you. Listen to yourself. You've taken the man he loves and you expect --" 

"No! He doesn't love Mulder. He just thinks that he does. When he realizes what he's been doing, when he's been away from him some more, he'll forget what he ever saw in him." 

"And he'll come back to you? Is that the plan? Is that what you think will happen?" 

Ben sighed, frustrated, and had another go at the bottle. 

"You might not want to hear this, Ben, but you'd better. Alex is in love with Mulder ... and even if he weren't, he still wouldn't come back to you after all that happened. He did that once; he's not doing it again." Speaking a little softer now, he leaned in and took the bottle away. "No matter how much you want him to, that's not going to happen." 

Aware of the truth in Ethan's words, Ben leaned against his friend and closed his eyes. Ethan placed the bottle on the table and put his arm around him. 

"Please help me, Ethan," he whispered. "Please help me get him back." 

"I can't do that, Ben." Ethan kissed his temple. "It's not fair to Alex. That has to be his own choice." 

"Then at least promise me that you'll make sure I'll get a moment to explain to him, explain how much I love him, make him understand that." 

Ethan held him tighter, smoothing his hand over Ben's arm. He doubted it would do much good but couldn't deny Ben the chance to make it all right; he'd already deprived him of that once. 

"I promise, Ben, I'll try." 

He could feel the relieved sigh from the man in his arms, feeling guilty as he thought it wouldn't help. 

"So, are you going to let me make you some coffee already?" he nuzzled Ben's neck. "Or are you just going to sit here and feel sorry for yourself?" 

Ben laughed softly and pulled away. 

"Could you spend the night?" he pleaded. "I really don't feel like being alone." 

"Of course," Ethan leaned in and gave him a friendly kiss. "I'll stay with you." 

Getting up from the couch, Ethan squeezed Ben's hand lightly before going out to the kitchen. 

* * *

Scully brought out her pack of cigarettes as she walked down the street, the frustration building inside her. She placed a cigarette between her lips and stopped to light it, and then continued to walk, not knowing where she was going, really. 

They'd gotten into a fight, and she hadn't been able to deal with it. As much as she still loved Mulder and wanted nothing more than to get him back, she had started to realize that it wasn't going to happen and she'd adjusted herself to that. Krycek's endless whining about how much he missed him was driving her out of her mind. She didn't like being reminded of how things were. 

So she'd decided to go for a walk, clear her mind. She already regretted the things she'd said to him when her mind had snapped and her patience had run out. It was just wearing her down and she had been suppressing her own feelings for too long, something had to cave. 

// Alex when will you realize that you only have yourself to blame for this? If you hadn't lied to Mulder, if you just had told him the truth from the beginning, he wouldn't have left us! // 

Remembering the look on his face, she cursed herself for hurting him. It wasn't fair to lay the blame solely on him; she hadn't done much to stop it. 

After a couple of minutes' walk, she realized that she had returned to the apartment building, but she didn't feel like facing him yet. She decided to drive over to Mulder's first and give him those files she had left in the car after work. Maybe that would calm her down some, and then when she returned, they could sit down and be rational about what was happening with their lives. 

She pulled up at the parking lot outside Mulder's apartment and parked her car close to the front door. Making sure she looked all right, she stepped out of the car and leaned in to grab the files. She hadn't even noticed someone walking up from behind her, and when she turned around, she didn't have time to react before the man standing in front of her lifted his baseball bat and then darkness surrounded her. 

* * *

It was the only place he could think of that she would go to after the argument they'd had. After five hours, he couldn't find the patience to just sit down and wait for her to come back, and he really felt that they should work things through. 

Her car was parked outside the building, and his relief was mixed with worry as he made his way in. They hadn't been together on neutral ground, just the three of them, since the breakup, and he didn't know how he would feel or how Mulder would act toward him. They hadn't spoken at all since Ethan's party, and if his memory served, that hadn't gone well at all. 

"Who is it?" 

/Good old paranoid Mulder. / Krycek thought and sighed. 

"It's me." 

Silence. 

"Could I just talk to Dana? I promise not to bother you, just let me talk to her." 

"Scully's not here." 

Krycek could hear him walk away from the door and felt utterly confused. Why would he lie about that? He'd seen her car outside. Mulder wouldn't lie about something like that; he would have no reason to. Unless she'd told him to. 

"Mulder!" He knocked on the door again. "Open the damn door, I want to speak to her." 

"I told you, she's not here." Mulder sounded really irritated. "Now would you please leave before you disturb my neighbors?" 

Not giving in, Krycek knocked again, this time with force. "Dana!" 

He wasn't prepared for the door to open and almost fell inside as Mulder swung it open. 

"I need to talk to her." He tried to peek in to the dark apartment, swiftly looking at the man before him. 

"What's wrong?" Mulder met his eyes. "Did you lie to her?" 

The words hit home and Krycek swallowed hard to keep control over his emotions. He didn't want to go there. 

"Well, I assume she's told you already. Stop pretending you don't know." 

Mulder sighed and rubbed his eyes. 

"You know Alex, I don't know what is going on, but if you're having trouble working on your relationship, I would appreciate it if you kept me out of it. It doesn't interest me." 

"Fine." Alex tried to pretend that hadn't hurt. "I just want to talk to her." 

"Then I'd suggest you go and do that." Mulder said flatly and prepared to close the door. 

"Wait." He prevented him from closing the door. "How the hell am I going to be able to talk to her if you close the door again?" 

"Alex, she's not here." Mulder sighed once more. "Go home." 

"But her car is parked ..." Krycek trailed off as horrible ideas flooded through her mind. "I saw her car right outside." 

Suddenly, he had Mulder's attention and as their eyes met, the same idea went through their minds. In less than two seconds, Mulder was out in the hall with him, heading for the elevator. Krycek followed close behind him. 

They went down to the parking lot and spotted the car immediately. Mulder was the first to reach it, finding blood on the ground and the car door unlocked. He looked around the place for a while, the darkness preventing him from seeing much. 

Krycek leaned beside him, terrified as he saw the stains of blood on the ground and car. "Oh, God, no," he breathed and felt his emotions flooding him. "This is all my fault." 

Mulder looked at him and saw the guilt. He knew it couldn't be his fault; he didn't think it would be right for him to feel that way. He stroked his arm. 

"It's not your fault, Alex," he whispered. "We don't know what happened yet." 

Mulder stood up, scanning the area, but it wasn't until he turned that he noticed it. A couple of feet from the car, under a tree, stood a single wax candle, burning bright. He felt as if someone had punched him in the stomach. 

"Oh my God, it's Koan." 

* * *

Skinner had told them both to stay away from the case when they woke him up in the middle of the night, but as usual, Mulder didn't listen. He had studied Koan's case too closely not to have some kind of idea where he would take her. 

He argued with Krycek about cooperating, but soon learned that the younger man wouldn't give in, and unwillingly accepted him. He could understand that Alex wanted to help, but he wasn't really up for dealing with Krycek in the middle of this mess. It was bad enough as it was. 

They took the flight up to Quebec, rented a car at the airport and headed for the location Mulder suspected Koan had taken her. He didn't even stop driving as the snowstorm hit them. Krycek didn't object, just as eager to get there to her rescue as Mulder was. 

In the middle of nowhere, the car shuddered to a halt, and they were stuck in the car, seeing only snow in both directions. Mulder tried to call out with his cell phone but the connection would not hold. He didn't know how much they'd heard, hoping for both their sakes that they'd been able to get their location. 

"What did they say?" Krycek wanted to know as Mulder hung up the phone from the rescue team. 

Mulder sighed and rubbed his forehead. "I gave them the location ... then the connection broke." Looking out the window. "Hopefully they heard me and will be coming out here as soon as they can." 

"Hopefully?" Krycek realized that was raising his voice. "And what if they didn't hear you? We could freeze to death out here." 

With another deep sigh, Mulder leaned back in his seat and covered his face with his hands. This wasn't happening, was it? He was trapped in a car with Krycek in the middle of a snow-covered nowhere. 

"We'll have to stay in the car, otherwise they won't find us at all," he informed the younger man. "I'd suggest we move back to the back seat where the space is more confined. We'll be able to keep warm more easily there." 

Krycek looked at him, a little surprised. "You first," he offered after a while and motioned to the back seat. 

Mulder pressed himself into the back of the car, sitting on the right. When he had made himself as comfortable as one could get under the circumstances, he couldn't help but to catch a glimpse, almost in close-up, of Krycek's well-shaped ass as he made his way back to sit next to him. 

/Oh God, just help me through this and I might start believing in You. / 

They sat silently for a while. A thought went through their minds on how they easily could keep warm, but neither one of them took it into action of words. 

"Mulder." 

Raising his gaze, he met those beautiful green eyes and felt his heart ache at the look of pain in them. "Yeah?" 

"Do you think we will die?" 

He saw the sincere worry in his old lover's eyes and wished that he would be able to tell him that they would be all right, that nothing could possibly happen to have it go that far. But he couldn't sit there and lie to him. "I don't know, Alex," he said softly. "Let's hope not." 

Krycek turned to look out the window. Even in all this misery, it was soothing to hear him talk like that to him, like he didn't hate him, and as if everything were back to normal. 

After a couple of hours, Krycek was so cold that his body was shaking. Mulder had noticed how he tried to hide it, understanding that he didn't want to seem weak. 

"Alex." Mulder sounded a little worried. 

"Mhm." 

"How's it going? Are you cold?" 

"I ... I ... I'm fine." 

It worried Mulder that Krycek was shaking as much as he did, and although his feelings would be strongly affected by the choice he had to make, he couldn't watch him any longer. 

"Alex." He looked at him again. 

Krycek met his eyes. 

"Maybe we should get a little closer," Mulder suggested, turning his eyes away from Krycek's. "We need to stay warm." 

"Yeah," Krycek answered a little too quickly, the thought of getting close to Mulder very appealing. 

They moved closer to each other, both feeling their hearts starting to beat faster. Mulder reached out his arms and pulled Krycek into his embrace. He felt the other man's cold face brush pass his neck, frozen lips brushing by so lightly it made him lightheaded. 

Making themselves comfortable, they ended up gently pressed against each other. Krycek buried his face in Mulder's neck. He was breathing rather rapidly because of the cold. Mulder moved his hands over his body, trying to build up some warmth between them. 

"I'm tired." Krycek spoke into Mulder's neck, causing the small hairs to rise in pleasure. 

"You need to stay awake, Alex." Mulder rubbed his body more rapidly. "Don't fall asleep on me now." 

Krycek's head dropped to lie on Mulder's shoulder and Mulder shook his body a little to keep him awake. 

"C'mon, Alex, talk to me. Tell me about those statistics again," he tried to joke. 

Krycek chuckled. "I thought you hated my statistics." 

"I did, I mean, I still do," Mulder confessed. "But there must be something more interesting you can tell me." 

"Like what?" 

"I don't know." 

He was glad to keep the conversation in motion, knowing how important it was that they stayed awake. 

"Tell me about Russia." 

Krycek chuckled again, thinking that Mulder must be losing it. 

"You don't want to know about Russia, Mulder, trust me. Besides, I only lived there as a kid; I don't know if there would be much I could tell you." 

Okay, so that had been a little lame, he had to agree. He thought about something they could talk about, something safe. Automatically, he came to think of the one person in both their lives that they couldn't get uncomfortable about, the one person they could both agree that they loved. 

"You know that thing Scully does when she wakes up in the morning." Mulder smiled at the memory. "You know, that routine she had going on." 

"Yeah," Krycek joined in, smiling. "She still does it. I don't think that she is aware of it." 

Mulder laughed. "Still denying it, is she?" 

Krycek grinned. "I've stopped commenting on it; she's got quite a morning temper, you know." 

Mulder smiled. "She's so beautiful," he said quietly, not knowing why he had brought that up. 

Krycek's arms tightened around Mulder and he brought his face closer to his neck, feeling the fragile thread that held his feelings together snap. The tears that he had withheld for so long started to seep out like a stream. His body started to shake for a completely different reason and he tried to hold the other man closer to his body, in need of comfort. 

Mulder had no idea how to react. 

"I miss you so much," Krycek whispered into his neck. "And I don't want to lose her too." 

Those words found their place in Mulder's heart and it hurt like hell. It was hard for him to react in any sane way when he didn't know what to think of their relationship; he didn't have all the pieces yet. He felt as if he was standing at some kind of a crossroad, not knowing which way to choose, the lies crumbling him from inside. There was no chance he could make that choice, and even if he found out that it was Alex who had been true after all, he didn't feel worthy. He couldn't go back to them after all that had happened. 

"We'll find her" was all he could say, trying to sound emotionless. 

/He still hates me, / Krycek thought. 

It had always been hard for him to forget about people who had been important to him, people who had slipped away from him. Usually, though, he had learned to live with the idea of it, the absence. 

With Mulder it was different. 

He pressed his face closer to Mulder's neck, wishing the tears would dry off, but finding no end to their source. 

"Alex," Mulder tried, running his hands soothingly against his back. 

Krycek heard the softness in his voice and felt the familiar sensation of his hands touching his back. Probably without even being aware of it, Mulder moved his hands all the way down to Krycek's spine, sending small electric jolts up to his midsection. He felt his arousal grow. 

It had never been Mulder's intentions to arouse such feelings when he tried to comfort Krycek. Suddenly, out of nowhere, he could feel Krycek's lips, now a little warmer, against his neck, trailing a row of feather like kisses up his jaw. 

"Alex," he whispered, and swallowed hard. 

This was not good. He had to stop. 

Their scents mixed and the air around them got warmer as Mulder too felt his body come alive under the lips of his former lover. 

/God, this feels so great. / 

Krycek let his tongue swirl into Mulder's ear, then sucked gently on the lobe as he heard him groan. It drove him further. 

Slowly, almost not notably, Krycek started to rock against Mulder, making him feel the hard bulge in his pants. He became aware of the same condition with the other man, meeting his own hardness against Mulder's. 

The air was growing more and more heavy between them and the cold seemed to be miles away. 

"Alex." That came out as a moan. 

He had to make this stop before it got out of hand. 

With the boldness of a man who had nothing to lose, Krycek moved his lips on top of Mulder's and started nudging gently. The warm breath hit his face and when the taste reached his senses, he felt a new set of tears behind his eyelashes. 

Mulder couldn't move. 

Tasting the sweet taste that was Mulder, he deepened the kiss and probed his tongue into the warmth that made his head spin. Sucking gently on the lower lip, he felt the slightest response from the other man. He dared to press his lips fully against the other's and take in all he could. 

Mulder's tongue darted into Krycek's mouth and met its match. Without thinking of his actions, the moment totally lost on him, Mulder thrust his erection against Krycek's body. Krycek rewarded the action by slipping his hand down between them and undoing the first button in Mulder's jeans. He didn't dare to speak as he undid the others, feeling how the man in his arms only answered by kissing him more deeply. 

Their bodies became warm again, the passion of their action heating the air between them. It was wonderful, warm, and the excitement started to rise inside Krycek. 

"I've missed you, Fox," he breathed into his mouth, caressing the hard bulge in his pants. "God, I've missed feeling you like this." 

Mulder moaned and pressed himself against the hand that was now working its way inside his boxers, taking his hardness in its grip. It felt wonderful, the touch, the taste he knew so well, and couldn't deny that he loved. 

"I want you," Krycek managed and rolled his thumb over the sensitive tip, feeling the pre-cum wetting his finger. 

Unable to speak, Mulder thrust into the fist that held him and heard Krycek working his own pants with his one free hand. 

/I shouldn't be doing this. / 

Krycek leaned forward to taste the head of his cock, lapping at the fluid leaking from the slit. 

/But he feels so good. / 

"Alex," he panted, trying to grab his hair to pull him up. "Alex, we shouldn't ..." 

Moving up to face the man he loved, Krycek smiled sadly and placed his hand on the side of his face. "I don't care if you're just taking advantage of me, if you just need the sex. I just want to feel you." 

He couldn't respond to that as he heard the sad tone in Alex's voice. What if he told him how much he still loved him, that it wasn't just sex to him either? What if he let him know all that he tried so hard to keep from him? 

"Alex, I --" 

The sound of a car getting closer, lights shining up the back seat and hearing an engine being shut off, made them jerk away from each other. They rapidly buttoned up their pants. Mulder studied Krycek's flustered face as he looked at him, seeing how disappointed he was. 

"I guess the rescue team heard me," Mulder commented, trying to loosen up his mood. 

"Mulder --" 

"Alex, don't." Shaking his head. "Forget about this. It never happened." 

"But --" 

"Are you okay in there?" a man shouted into the car. 

"Yeah, we're okay," Mulder answered and opened the door. "We're okay." 

* * *

To their surprise, A.D. Skinner met them at the Quebec hospital they were taken to. He didn't look too happy as he approached them, and Mulder could hear the lecture coming on. 

"Agents, you've gone against my direct orders," he began, seeing Mulder squirm. "I hope there's a good explanation." 

"I had a idea where Koan might be taking her," Mulder replied, trying to keep calm. "I was just doing my best to find her." 

"And Agent Krycek?" He turned to the younger man. 

Krycek turned momentarily paralyzed, not used to being put on the spot for disobedience. 

"Agent Krycek was just helping me," Mulder answered for him. 

Skinner eyed them oddly. He couldn't quite figure out where they stood in each other's lives, and this last event had only confused him further. 

"Have you heard anything else about Agent Scully's whereabouts?" Mulder dared, not feeling the need to stand around and waste time. 

"Agent Scully got away from Koan a couple of hours ago," Skinner said flatly. "She knew his profile well enough to know what he was planning and was able to get away from him with some minor injuries but nothing really serious. She seems to be fine" 

"Where is she?" Krycek inquired, relieved she was safe. 

"She's on her way here," Skinner answered, letting them know that it wasn't appreciated. "She insisted as soon as she heard you two were lost." 

Mulder and Krycek shared a glance. 

"I want a report from the two of you on my desk Monday morning, is that clear?" 

"Yes sir." Krycek nodded. 

After watching Skinner leave, they both looked at each other, thinking of the one thing they wouldn't put into the report. 

* * *

Krycek and Scully had been invited to New York for a night out with Krycek's old friends and were walking up to the nightclub when Scully spotted the name across the top of the building. 

"Studio Alexander?" she grinned. "Ethan named his nightclub after you?" 

"Yeah," Krycek smiled proudly. "But it's mostly known as 'Studio A' since the 'lexander' is so tiny." 

Scully leaned over and kissed his cheek, squeezing his hand, hoping that a night out with the guys would do some good for both of them. 

"Alex, baby, you're looking fine." Ethan met them in the doorway, pulling Alex into a hug. "And it's about time you dropped by the club, I might add." 

Krycek smiled shyly and reached for Scully's hand. "Yeah, I'll try and make an appearance a little more often." 

"Yeah, right." Ethan smiled doubtfully and turned to Scully. "Dana." He leaned forward to kiss her cheek. "Thank you for getting him here." 

"Didn't take much convincing." She smiled and glanced at her fiance. 

Ethan led them into a table in the back of the bar, where the other guys had already arrived. They both noticed that Ben was among them, eyeing them as they approached. 

"Alex," Tisha said with a smile and pulled him into his arms. "Two times in so short a time; I hope you keep it up." He gave him a friendly kiss on the cheek. 

"Pretty good for a little brat like you," Paris commented and ruffled his hair. 

Krycek smiled, embarrassed, and continued to go through the group, deliberately ignoring Ben. To be honest, he was a little upset with Ethan for inviting him there. 

"Do you want anything to drink?" Ethan asked and took a seat beside Ben, putting his arm around him. "Just call on a waiter and order anything you want; it's on the house." He looked around for a nearby waiter. "Hey, Mickey!" 

He took their order and hurried away, leaving silence among the group of men. The fact that Ben was sitting there left the tension thick. 

"Where's Oliver?" Krycek wondered, not pleased about the fact that he had to look in Ben's direction while speaking to Ethan. 

"He had to work," Ethan said. "So lucky for me, Ben was kind enough to step in and pose as my boyfriend, didn't you, baby?" He leaned in for a quick kiss. 

"You wish," Ben grinned but didn't object to the kiss he was given. 

Krycek shifted in his seat. The way they acted made him think too much of how it was back then and about the feelings he'd had. 

The hours went by and after a couple of drinks, Krycek thought less of Ben's presence and more of having a good time with the rest of the guys. Scully was getting along really well with the group of men and it felt as if they were accepting her more as his girlfriend this time. Even if Krycek wouldn't say it, it was obvious that it was important to him that they approved of their relationship. 

"So, have you set a date yet?" Kyle wanted to know, casting a glance on the engagement rings. "I'm assuming we're invited." 

"Of course." Scully smiled. "I thought Alex had told you that already." 

Ben squirmed in his seat. It was obvious he wasn't included. 

"Yeah, he did." Tisha blinked at Krycek. "We just wanted to hear it from the bride as well." 

"That's a relief to hear." Scully turned to Krycek. "Because if it was up to Alex, we'd elope and let everyone know it once it was over." 

Laughter spread through the group. 

Daniel arched a brow and looked at Scully. "Don't worry, Dana, we'll make sure he won't get away that easy." 

Krycek noticed how quiet Ethan had been next to Ben. His arm was still wrapped around Ben's shoulder and Krycek could read Ethan's lips as he leaned in to ask Ben how he was feeling. Ben nodded and forced a smile and Ethan smiled weakly back, pressing his lips briefly against Ben's temple. 

"I'll be right back, Dana, I'm just going to the men's room." Krycek leaned over to kiss his fiance before heading for the bathrooms, uncomfortable by the small action he'd just witnessed. 

When he was done, he was just about to get back to the party when he caught sight of a mark on the wall. He took a few steps toward the wall and the memories once again washed over him as he saw the scratched-in symbol of love still clear on the repainted wall. He smiled and let himself go back in time for a short moment as he touched the names. 

"Do you remember that day?" 

He closed his eyes at the sound of that voice. 

"You were so scared we would get caught, I thought you were about to pass out," Ben remembered as he walked up to him. 

"Well, the former owner wasn't as nice as Ethan," Krycek commented. "I'm a little surprised it's still there; the rest of the place seems to be repaired." 

"I asked Ethan to keep it there." 

Krycek nodded and remembered that Ben was half-owner of the club. He'd helped Ethan buy the place but it was written on Ethan solo, since Ben had no actual interest in owning it; he had just been helping out his best friend. 

"I figured that way we'd be even with the club and all," Ben continued. "Not that Ethan would accept that. You know how he is." 

Krycek nodded. "Yeah. Ethan's good." 

"So are you, Alex," Ben mumbled. "I guess that makes me the bad guy." 

Krycek turned to face him, noting the sad look in his eyes. "Ben --" 

"No, Alex, don't say that I'm not, 'cause I know that you think that I am. I can't really blame you, can I?" 

Dropping his gaze to the ground, Krycek didn't know how to respond. Deep down, he knew that Ben's soul wasn't evil or bad, he just did what he thought was right and it had consequences. 

"I'd better go back out," he said, afraid to face Ben like this. 

"Wait." Ben took hold of his arm. "I want to talk to you." 

"I don't think that's a good idea." 

"I'm not going to do anything, I just want to talk to you," Ben pleaded. "I need to talk to you." 

Krycek took a deep sigh and recognized the desperate tone in Ben's voice. 

"Please." 

Meeting those eyes, he didn't know what took over him. "Okay." Leaning against the sink. "Talk." 

A man walked in to the room and went into a cubicle. Ben looked from the man to Krycek, having hoped for a little more privacy than this. 

"Can we go up to Ethan's office?" he suggested, seeing Krycek grow suspicious. "Just for a while." 

Sighing heavily, Krycek nodded and kept a stiff posture as they made their way to the room in the back. Ben closed the door behind them and Krycek kept his distance as Ben turned around to face him. 

"You look uncomfortable," Ben said, wanting to loosen up the atmosphere. 

Krycek kept his distance. "Can't say that I'm not." 

Taking his time, Ben walked closer to Krycek, feeling the tension thicken at every step he took. 

"What was it that you wanted to talk to me about?" Krycek confronted, moving away from Ben's closeness. "I'm not really up for playing games." 

"God, do you have to be so tense around me? What are you afraid I'll do?" 

"I don't trust you." 

Ben's gaze dropped to his hands and he could hear his own heart breaking within. 

"What did you expect?" Krycek wondered when he noted Ben's reaction. "You come back into my life and started screwing things up. You steal my boyfriend, the man I love ... and you're surprised that I don't trust you?" 

"Alex, I --" 

"Why? Why do you do these things to me? Why do you mess up my life and then keep hanging around to pour salt in the wounds? Do you get some kind of kick out of it? Is that it?" 

Watching Krycek speak, Ben couldn't find the words to defend himself as the pain built up inside him. What the hell had he been expecting? A warm welcome back? 

"Answer my question, damnit, you're the one who wanted to talk! Now I'm asking you a question! Why do you do this to me?" 

"Because I love you!" Ben snapped. "Because every day I wake up and think of you, wish that you were lying next to me, holding me. And the thought that you aren't ... the thought of you doing that with someone else ..." He couldn't finish the sentence. 

Surprised over the little outburst, Krycek didn't know what to say. He could see the tears threatening to break free behind those beautiful brown eyes as the thread of Ben's temper was about to snap. 

"I made a mistake sleeping with Rick, but it meant nothing." He breathed heavily to keep the tears from falling. "I would undo it if I could, but I can't." He leaned against the desk, rubbing his hands in his face. "I can't." 

Krycek took a few steps up to him. 

"I can't," Ben repeated and hid his face in his hands as he started crying. 

"Ben," Krycek whispered and reached out to him. 

"I'm sorry," Ben managed, clinging to Krycek with his face buried in his neck. "I'm so sorry Alex." 

"I know." Krycek nodded and stroked Ben's hair. "I know you are." 

"I love you," Ben whispered as the tears settled. "Can't we just go back to how it was before? Before I started screwing things up?" 

"No." Krycek shook his head. "We can't do that." 

Ben buried his face closer to Krycek's neck. "But just for a while, assume you'll say yes. We could sneak out and go back to my apartment, the way we used to. I'd make love to you, just like before, anywhere you'd want me to. Then when you woke up the next morning, I'd love you all over again." 

There was a moment of silence. 

"But you won't say yes, will you?" 

"No," Krycek spoke softly. "I won't." He loosened his grip, ready to let Ben go. 

"Don't," Ben managed and held on tighter. "Don't let go yet." He took in the breath of the man he so loved. "I just want to feel you for a while longer. " 

"Ben --" 

"Shh ... Don't talk." He placed a kiss on the base of his neck. "Just stay here." 

"I have to go, Ben ..." 

Ben felt the panic rise within. He wasn't ready to give him up this easily and desperation was starting to show its ugly face. 

"Wait, Alex," he pleaded as Krycek tried to break free from his embrace once more. "Just hear me out here." 

"Ben, I don't think this is such a good idea." Despite all that had happened these last couple of months, he didn't like hurting Ben. 

"I can't." Ben took a deep breath, collecting his feelings. "I can't give you up without knowing that I've tried every possible way." 

"Ben ... we --" 

"No, Alex, I need to give this a try, even if you think you've made up your mind." He took Krycek's hands between his own. "Please just listen to what I have to say." 

It was hard to tell what would hurt Ben the most, denying him this or turning him down once more. 

"Thank you," Ben nodded, as Krycek didn't object. "I just need to know," he swallowed hard making sure he had his attention. "I need to know if there is anything I could do, anything at all ... that would make you want me again --" 

"Ben --" 

"Don't say anything." His voice trembled. "I don't want you to answer that without thinking about it, it's too important to me." 

Krycek lowered his gaze, sighing aloud. 

"Don't you think that if you search deep within yourself, that there is some love left for me, some part that I didn't manage to kill?" Ben tried. "I mean, there's got to be." 

"Of course there is." Krycek met his eyes again. "I can't deny that, but --" 

"No, no buts." Ben smiled and shook his head. "If there is something there, we could work from that, we could --" 

"Ben, you will always be a part of me," Krycek interrupted. "You were my first love, I know what we had was very special and that I loved you more than anything back then --" 

"And I still love you like that." Ben broke in, the tears fresh in his voice. "I still want you as much as I did back then." 

"Then give me what I want," Krycek tried, seeing his chance. "Tell Mulder how it really is because if you really love me as much as you say, you would want for me to be happy." 

"I can't do that, Alex," Ben was growing frustrated. "I'm sorry, but I'm too damned egoistic to do that." 

Feeling Ben's hands on each side of his head, Krycek didn't dare to break away, afraid of how Ben would react. He lifted his gaze, seeing the tears wallowing in Ben's eyes. 

"How can you expect me to give you away like that?" he spoke softly. 

"Because." Krycek lingered on the word. "Because I'm in love with Mulder, Ben." 

Ben looked at him and then closed his eyes. He didn't know what to do next. The power was completely in his hands but he couldn't use it to get what he wanted, and conscience had never been one of his better qualities. It wasn't in him to do the right thing, and he didn't think that he would be able to when it hurt this much. 

"I need some time to think about this, Alex," he said, still not sure of his plans. "If you promise you will, too." 

That was the best deal he could make. 

* * *

There was another harsh knock on the door, but Mulder sat on the couch, concentrating his gaze on the flickering lights coming from the TV. He had been sitting like that for several hours now and had no intentions of turning it off. It made him feel less alone. 

When the banging on the door suddenly stopped, Mulder turned his head, mostly out of curiosity, to see if whoever it was was still out there. The shadow underneath the door confirmed his suspicion. Sighing heavily, he rose to open it, though he didn't put much effort into rushing. The fact that it was the middle of the night hadn't occurred to him. His "friends" always chose to visit him at peculiar hours. 

About to place his hand on the handle, an unexpected knock made him wince. Irritated by the involuntary move, he swung the door open, adding a touch of anger. The hostile words that had formed on his lips died at the sight of the uninvited guest and Mulder froze with a dumbstruck expression. 

"Are you letting me in, or are you going to wait until your neighbors start complaining?" 

The calm but harsh voice belonged to Alex Krycek. 

Mulder didn't budge, still surprised to see Krycek standing there. 

Krycek spoke again, this time less patient. "Are you letting me in or do you want me to make a scene? I'm sure your neighbors would love that." 

Mulder stepped aside, not wanting to add another demerit to the eviction list his landlord probably kept on him. 

Krycek walked past him. "You've been busy, I see." He looked around the dark apartment, not surprised to find himself standing in a mess. 

"I doubt you came here to give me cleaning advice," Mulder snorted, making Krycek turn toward him. 

/Big mistake. / 

The sight of Mulder's nonchalant posture against the still-open door turned his knees into Jell-O and he had to brace himself against the nearest wall to keep from falling. 

Gathering himself, he managed to speak. "I thought you wanted to spare your neighbors a scene?" He nodded toward the door. 

Mulder gave the door a light push and it closed. "What do you want?" Walking past Alex, he went back into the apartment. 

"We need to talk." Krycek followed him. 

"About?" 

"Us," Krycek answered, not seeing any point in beating around the bush. 

"That should make this conversation very short, then." 

Even if Mulder's reply was harsh, there was something in his voice, an uncertainty that made it pretty clear he didn't believe that. 

"You selfish bastard!" Krycek burst, taking a step closer. "Don't tell me what happened between us in the car didn't mean anything to you!" 

Krycek searched for eye contact but failed as Mulder persisted in staring at the floor. Instead, he waited for him to reply. At first, Mulder didn't move, and for a while, Krycek started to believe the man had fallen asleep standing. 

Mulder rubbed his tired face, feeling the two-days'-old stubble tickle his palms. He couldn't believe how Krycek could even insinuate that what happened between them in the car didn't matter to him, because it did. More than he wanted to admit. He had been the one tossing all these accusations around and lecturing Krycek about trust, how everything came down to honesty while he was the biggest hypocrite of them all. It wasn't easy swallowing your pride, not after all this time. 

/Damn you, Mulder why can't you say anything? / Krycek's mind screamed, agonized by his silence. / Throw me out, say it's over, just don't make me feel this unimportant ... just say you love me... / 

Krycek closed his eyes, not wanting to give up hope but he was afraid hope had given up on him. He had lost Ben and then he had lost Mulder too, just because of one stupid little lie, and he was afraid that if Mulder asked him to leave, he would lose Scully as well. 

Mulder raised his head to meet Krycek's eyes but found them closed. He stared intensely at the face of the man he had loved and adored and still did. Gradually, Mulder came closer, frightened of what would happen if Krycek opened his eyes. Would he have to see his eyes mirroring the pain and hurt he felt and had caused? 

As the space between them narrowed, Mulder felt his heart beat faster by the minute and the blood in his veins rush through him with such acceleration it made him light-headed. Close enough to cup his face in his hands, he kissed him. 

Krycek could only squeeze his eyes more shut when he suddenly felt Mulder's lips enclose his own so carefully, it almost went unnoticed. If Mulder hadn't put more strength into it, the kiss could have easily been taken for a "Good-bye, we're still friends, I never want to see you again" kiss. For a moment Krycek stood, completely and utterly incapable of returning the motion. It felt as though Mulder was sucking the life straight out of him, and all he could do was stand there and let it happen. 

Mulder's tongue was making its way around his mouth, brushing over his teeth and tongue, devouring every inch of him. God, he had wanted to do this since they had parted at the rescue station in Quebec. 

Swallowing Krycek's small whimpers he deepened the kiss, sucking mercilessly on his lips, enjoying the taste. Their kiss became an act of desperation, the taste of each other a need and a reminder of what had been and could be once again. 

Pulling back, Mulder let his hands wander past Krycek shoulders and down his spine, feeling his muscles flex beneath his touch. He stopped right above his ass and dared Krycek to move. 

With a defiant look in his eyes, Krycek did what was expected of him, working his hips toward Mulder, hearing him swallow a moan. As he did it again, Mulder's hands grabbed his ass in one swift motion, keeping him right in the place he wanted him. 

Krycek inhaled sharply at the jolt going through his body when their groins met. Slowly and rhythmically, he started to move against him again, teasing him, enjoying shamelessly the sound of Mulder's quickening breath and the feel of his desire. Then, with his hands stroking Mulder's sternum, he managed to wriggle himself out of his grasp and sink down to his knees. 

Full of expectation, Mulder watched, and felt, how with feathery light touches Krycek fumbled with the buttons to his jeans, unbuttoning one at a time, and in between, he stroked Mulder's painfully hard cock through the fabric of his pants. Mulder emitted one trembling groan after another and tossed his head back, feeling the frustration he had been storing inside threaten an early release. 

The final button gave way and Krycek was just about to squeeze his hand under the hem of the boxers when he felt a pair of strong arms grab him by the shoulders and pull him up, only to toss him down on the couch. Krycek was surprised and aroused by the sudden move. He was glad to know that Mulder hadn't stopped wanting him. Before he had a chance to collect himself, Mulder was on top of him, pushing him further down the couch, trying desperately to get his pants out of the way while he sucked and nibbled Krycek's throat and neck. He gave Mulder a helping hand and it didn't take long before his pants and boxers were down at his knees. 

"Lube," Krycek whispered, his voice barely carrying his thought. "In my coat pocket." 

Mulder dug into Krycek's coat pocket and found the tube and opened it so that he could smear the content over his fingers. 

With one hand around Krycek's straining cock, Mulder let his other hand concentrate on his tight ass. Krycek sank his teeth into his lip, trying to prevent a groan from escaping him as he felt two of Mulder's fingers penetrate and prepare him. 

"Do it!" he said through clenched teeth, his voice barely audible from arousal. 

The grip around his cock eased and he felt Mulder's fingers leave him, only to return with a rich amount of new lube. Shortly after, Mulder pushed inside, burrowing his entire length inside him. Mulder paused to give Krycek a minute to adjust, but Krycek wanted things differently. He pushed back, ignoring his own arousal to give Mulder what he wanted and what he needed himself. Mulder more or less slammed his body into him, hoping the impending orgasm would exorcise all his demons that had anything to do with Krycek's past. 

Meeting Krycek halfway, one thrust was enough to bring him over the edge and he came, screaming his name. As his orgasm started to abate, he sank his head, leaning it on Krycek's shoulder, sobbing quietly into his T-shirt. 

* * *

Sweaty and sticky, they hadn't moved from their place on the floor next to the couch, except for a change of position. Krycek sat with his back against the couch and Mulder's back leaned against his chest. Not a word had been spoken, only some friendly cuddling had taken place. When Krycek hadn't felt Mulder move in a long time, he spoke with a slight worry. 

"Hey, you're not falling asleep on me, are you?" 

Mulder smiled, knowing that as long as he sat with his back against him, there was no way he could tell whether he was asleep or not, so he kept quiet. 

"Hey, come on!" Krycek urged, shaking him with care, unprepared to see Mulder turn with one of his typical grins. "That wasn't funny. You are a heavy man, Mulder, and I wouldn't want to carry you down to the car." 

"I'd like to see you try!" Mulder challenged, hurting Krycek's pride in the process. "By the way, are we going somewhere? I can't recall making any plans except for a few hours of sleep before I have to go to work." 

"We're going home ... you are coming home with me, aren't you?" Krycek's voice had turned insecure and his eyes followed the same path when Mulder stayed serious, until he couldn't keep a straight face anymore. 

Krycek didn't look amused. 

"Relax, Alex," Mulder assured, stroking his cheek. 

"We should probably hurry, then," he stammered. "Dana is most likely wondering where I went, since I didn't bring my cell phone and yours is probably turned off." 

"You didn't tell her where you were going?" 

"If you haven't noticed, Mulder, it's in the middle of the night and normal people are asleep." 

"You didn't consider that I might have been asleep?" 

"I said 'normal' people, Mulder." 

Mulder turned to him with a smile and leaned in for a kiss that sent chills down Krycek's spine. "C'mon, let's get going." He rose from the floor, giving Krycek a helping hand. 

* * *

I watch them sit over by the couch. Mulder is resting comfortably against Krycek's chest, his head cuddled into his neck. I smile. They look adorable. 

Krycek takes his hand just to hold it and takes him closer. Mulder nuzzles his neck, placing a row of kisses along his jawline. They end up in an innocent kiss. It makes me feel so good to see them like this, happy. Together. 

They whisper something to each other and smile. Krycek smoothes a lock of hair out of Mulder's face, telling him something serious. Mulder gives him another kiss, lingering on his lower lip. 

I walk up to them, still smiling. When they see me, they move apart to make room for me between them. Mulder takes my body against his and moves closer to Krycek again so he can put his arm around him. I lean in to kiss Krycek, smiling at him. He places a hand under my jaw and deepens the kiss. 

"Happy?" I ask him. 

He looks at Mulder, then back at me, his smile shining from every part of his face. 

"Extremely," he says. 

I lean back against Mulder, feeling him nuzzle my hair. My entire body shivers from delight and I move to look up at him. In his eyes, I see what he's thinking. I always do. 

"Welcome back." I smile and lean in for a kiss. 

* * *

Alex and Scully are making themselves ready for bed and I can hear their small talk in the bathroom. It's soothing to hear, comforting to know that they're close. 

"Are you done in the bathroom, Mulder?" Alex asks me as he and Scully come to the bedroom. 

"Yeah." I nod and put the file on the nightstand. 

He closes the door and starts unbuttoning his shirt. Scully crawls up next to me in bed and makes her way under the sheets. I can feel her naked leg brushing against my own and it feels wonderful. 

"God, I'm tired," she says with a smile, and cuddles closer to me. 

Folding my arm around her, I nuzzle her hair and take her closer. She lets out a sigh and I can see her smile, content. 

Having stripped to his boxer shorts, Alex makes his way to the bed, too, and I can't help but watch him close up to me. He's still just a little bit nervous around me, even though I've told him I won't leave him again. 

"Come, Alex." I smile and reach out a hand toward him. "Lie next to me." 

He smiles shyly and crawls up beside me. His body feels good against mine, and I fold my free arm around him to take him closer. 

* * *

It's not until that he moves that I realize that my eyes are open. I'm watching him, afraid that when I wake up it will all have been a dream. The middle of the bed is usually Dana's place, but tonight it's Mulder's. 

I have been listening to the softness of his breathing and I can't begin to describe how it makes me feel, the special way it rocks me to sleep. He moves again, this time stealing a part of my pillow and as he doesn't get all of it, he grunts from disappointment in his sleep. 

I feel the heat his body is emitting. The soft tunes of a lullaby in his breathing have almost managed to get me halfway to dreamland by now. I cling to him, making sure my arm is locked safely around him, so I can assure myself of his presence in the morning. This time, I'm not letting go; he stays. The satisfied expression of our sleeping Dana next to him tells me she is dreaming the same. 

Before I let the tiredness take over, I lean my head closer to his, kissing the mass of hair, mumbling into it the words that for so long have been drifting. "I love you, Fox..." 

Now my eyelids feel like lead, and I slowly fall asleep, letting go of what has seemed to be an era of despair. 

The End 

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